Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Next Steps

So, March was an interesting month, fertility wise.  Decided not to take my Clomid this month and guess what, never ovulated.  So, cycle repeats itself again although hopefully in April it will be armed with new knowledge.  Our donor is having a semen analysis done on April 4th and I am being sent in for an hysterosalpingogram.  Say that three times fast now why don't you.  Or HSG works just as well.  For those not in the know, here is what an HSG is: 

A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant (infertile).  During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. A hysterosalpingogram also may find problems on the inside of the uterus that prevent a fertilized egg from attaching (implanting) to the uterine wall.

For those that are more visual, here are some images of what you can see when you have an HSG done:



So there, more information than you ever wanted to know about me and what will be happening to my insides.  If I'm totally lucky I will have images to post after the procedure.  Now wouldn't that be cool to share with all of you!  Lucky readers you.  Other than that, nothing new to share.  I'll keep you posted as I know more information.  Song for today comes to you courtesy of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

"Goodbye to You"~Michelle Branch
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star



Thursday, March 14, 2013

New Paths

Ok, so weird thing, while looking at Blogger statistics, I find out that I have someone viewing my blog from in Europe.  Huh, strange.  Likely they ended up here by mistake and found their way out again.  This isn't the type of blog one posts to motivate others, to share recipes and great ideas with, or hell, for anyone other than my own benefit of writing.  So, as the title says, I'm going down a new path.  I want to change, and as you readers might know of me, change is freaking hard.  I've never been one to stay on track, never been the type of person who sticks with something (ok well rarely anything anyway), but the time has come for CHANGE people.  I am done being a fatty girl.  I am done being tired all the time, not having energy, spending most of my time sleeping, being worried that I can't keep up with my nieces and nephews (and hopefully future child), feeling like I'm a loser to my more fit friends, constantly fighting with myself over how I look and what I'm doing about it.  The list goes on and on here people.  Point being, its time for a change.  I am DONE being that girl, for good.  It's not getting me anywhere, so obviously have to change what I'm doing.


That being said, here's what's the haps with the new path.  I'm following a medically followed protocol called Ideal Protein.  It's not pretty, definitely not easy, but I am going to do it because it works and like I said before, DONE.  So I might need motivation and help over the coming months.  Of course, if we do manage to get pregnant I will have to put it on hold.  Hopefully losing some weight will help with the pregnancy thing. Oh, in addition to the eating thing, also adding some daily activity thing.  Minimum of 1/2 hour of some type of activity: walking, jogging, elliptical, Wii Sports, workout video-something!  


Like that motivational sign says, nothing worth having comes easy.  I think being fitter and healthier and (godwilling) skinnier is definitely worth having.  So obviously it will not be easy, it will not be quick, and it will take work.  If you know me, and we see each other, then help me along.  Don't make unhealthy foods with me, don't let me convince you to have unhealthy foods, take me for a walk and a talk.  Root me along, help me when I fall/fail, push me to keep trying.  And in the mean time, I'll just remember the following:


.

Saturday, March 02, 2013

Ok, so, MARCH!

So, February wasn't our month either.  Try number six completed and aside from a late period, which did eventually show up...no pregnancy.  Tonight I'm home on unexpected low census and Kj and I are watching the Sounders (who are currently losing).  I am in a crap-tastic mood today, so readers beware that this post is not likely to be all sappy happy.  Looking in to fertility specialists now, likely going to get a referral from my doctor to visit one for a workup.  Also sending our donor in for a semen analysis, just to make sure it's maybe not him versus me.  Back to the gym also and trying to eat a little healthier (which today was rough cause bad moods = sugar needs rising).  So, on to the last bit of my getting to know me sideline:

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?~Kerry said to say that Coke is better than Pepsi, but since I disagree with that it doesn't really work.  I guess I would say the idea that we are so ENTITLED to things.
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?~my eyes, I like to play them up with makeup (when in the mood) and since I wear contacts its also easy to change up with colors.
28. What is your love language?~again Kerry would say here today that its super bitchy, but, on a regular day (according to the online test I just took) my love language is acts of service and physical touch
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?~Um, I'd say my sarcasm but pretty sure most people get that.  My facial expressions-often told I look grumpy/upset/crabby when I am just fine (today doesn't count)
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

  1. Being a good friend
  2. Being a good Auntie/Mama
  3. Being a good nurse
  4. Being funny
  5. Being smart
  6. Being KJ's wife
  7. achieving my physical goals
  8. achieving my educational goals
  9. achieving financial goals
  10. Winning American Idol!  LOL
Ok, think that finally winds up the portion of getting to know me for this blog.  I'll actually have to think of original information to come up with instead!
Song for today:
"A Thousand Years"~Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more