Sunday, December 16, 2012

And the hits keep coming...


Ok, so continuing on in the theme I stole from another blog, here we go:

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?~oh gee, probably dealing with depression, having to crawl back out of the darkest pit you can imagine that is also of your own creation, pretty awful
7. What is your dream job, and why?~I have my dream job finally.  Working as a nurse in labor and delivery, despite the sometimes hard cases, is both rewarding and pays well!
8. What are 5 passions you have?~books, music, food, friends & family, and movies
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

  1. My sister~she helped raised me (or mostly raised me) and taught me to never let others hold me back, never let them get you down, and most of all that sisters are always there for each other.
  2. Kerry-she constantly reminds me to see the good in others, to have fun, and to smile & laugh
  3. Kendra-no matter how we may err as youngsters, we can always succeed as adults!
  4. Tiff-taught me what having a best friend for 23 years means, how to find a new hobby no matter what age
  5. my mom-for teaching me that (despite her own follies in life) you don't need a man to be a parent
  6. Mr. Langston-for reminding me to run with my head up looking ahead of me, that i should be proud and not stare at the ground
  7. Mrs. Kusche-for showing me kindness and that teachers really do go above and beyond for their students
  8. Madame-for teaching me great French speaking skills, for believing in me, and for trusting me with so much
  9. Sarah-for being an awesome parent and someone i can turn to no matter what is going on in my life she will be there
  10. Frances-for always looking up to me and making me feel like something worth admiring

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.~how do you limit it down to just one thing when it comes to me, really now?!?  I guess I'd have to say the cut to my eye from being falling down drunk this Halloween
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.~people tapping pens/pencils/whatever, repetitive noises, using incorrect words (like orientated), people spelling stuff wrong, bad drivers, bad singers, interrupters, republicans, homophobic jerks, and well bad people in general
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.~um, sleep as much as possible, go to work, possibly cook something, definitely reading, and on days off movie watching

Friday, December 14, 2012

First 5-Getting to know me?!?


Ok, so I decided to try to tackle the top five on the randomness list.  Turns out the first one is really 20 separate answers, so I guess its more like I'll be doing 25 things here.  Oh wait, and now as I see the list below the third one also says 10 things...so let's go ahead and make this number 35.  Holy crap!  

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.


  1. avid reader
  2. singer
  3. soccer girl
  4. amateur esthetician
  5. haven't had natural hair color since at least 12
  6. would dye my hair pink if work would allow
  7. like to watch TV-way more than i should
  8. favorite video game-zelda series
  9. favorite color is pink
  10. last book series i read-beautiful creatures (awesome)
  11. favorite movies-harry potter
  12. love gift giving-hate gift shopping & figuring out what to get people
  13. wish i were more positive
  14. miss being more active-need to change that
  15. i like to camp-in trailers, with beds, and a stove...
  16. i hope i have girls
  17. but only if they are sporty and not too fru fru
  18. my favorite holiday is halloween
  19. i like glitter covered nails
  20. my all time favorite car is blue 65 mustang

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
  • Being strangled-as a child two things I think added to this fear.  1)my mom and sis loved to tickle my throat, to the point of holding me down and tickling the crap out of me.  2)also as a child there was a time when I got caught by the throat in a rope that I was playing/swinging on and it did strangle me-rope burn and everything. 
  • Break Ins-ok this one is also twofold.  1)we actually had someone trying to break in, WHILE kerry was home and 2)one of my worst night terrors ever was about someone breaking in, coming all the way upstairs, stealing our stuff from the bedroom and me trying to stay still the whole time~not awesome in any way.
  • Spiders-ok I know this one is a little pat to be sure, but it's true, spiders creep me the hell out.  They totally jump at your when you least expect it and they are all shelob from lord of the rings.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.~let's see, no relationship with my so called sperm donor.  My relationship is ok with my mom, we talk and she's supportive, so I guess it's just fine.  As good as any of your relationships with your parents..don't judge!

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could. ~oh holy shit, i can't believe this one, ok here goes


  1. You're not going to marry Jeremy Stockdale
  2. You're a great driver, still are
  3. Work harder in school, college is hard
  4. you're not going to work in psychology but you will meet a lot of psychos
  5. trust your instincts when you like someone, you know yourself best
  6. focus on the people who matter most, the ones you'll still know in 18 years!
  7. you should stick with the soccer team tryout thing
  8. you should sign up for the AP classes
  9. madame will still be your favorite teacher when you're 34 and watching her struggle with her husband dying
  10. contrary to family history, you will not be knocked up before high school, or even in your 20's, so far the 30's aren't looking much better either...

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

  1. my wife
  2. my nieces and nephews (both real and adopted)
  3. soccer
  4. reading
  5. my friends

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Hormones you say?!?

Yeah, turns out, I don't make them very well.  Found out this week, just before insemination attempt #4, that I have super low estrogen.  Like, lower than post-menopausal levels.  Guess what that means...kind of hard to support a pregnancy when you're not making the right type of hormones.  Oh and guess what else low estrogen causes: insomnia, depression, weight gain, mood swings, and night sweats.  GEE, no one who knows me would think I have any of those, right?  Oh well, on to more pills to supplement the hormones I'm not making.  Hopefully this will help with those symptoms noted above as well as getting us pregnant.  Fingers crossed....

My Signature Move~Pink
I've got a way, of making everything a confrontation
And you've got a way, of bringing out the worst in me
You see, it's just if I'm bored
I'll find a way to make an accusation
I've got a problem with more
So gimme, gimme everything

Chorus

Stop.
Not my fault, Not at all
I can't help you what you want?
Get in line, take a number
Get you when my song is over
If you leave it up to me I'll make a lie the truth, it's true
And then I'll break it off, make it bleed
tell you that it's you not me
Make a scene at a show, just because the wind blows
Shoot myself in the foot to make a point I can't prove, to get back to you
That's just my signature move

You call me cra- (cray)
-zie and I think it's me and I just don't like it.
I'm just a sensitive babe
And you need to please me right
You know I said I would change
I did I went and tried a different outfit
And if that's not enough
You won't be riding dirty tonight

Repeat Chorus

That's just my signature move (x3)

I start fights in my dreams
A kick-a-kick off the sheets
I Don't Apologise
You wouldn't see it in my eyes
I'm not a good best friend
If there's a rule I will bend
I'll makes it trouble for you
It's all I know how to do
I'm not responsi..

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

I stole an idea.....

So I was on pinterest today and found this idea for blogging.  I'm going to go ahead and steal it and use it here since sometimes I feel like I have nothing to write about.  Oh, for those that were wondering, last month's pregnancy attempt was a negatory.  So next week we try again.  I'm also on metformin this month which is supposed to help with getting pregnant.  By the way, weaning off caffeine really sucks!  My head is pounding and no amount of water/tylenol is making it better.  Okay randomness....here is the idea for the blog.  I'm going to tackle a couple of these a day so that I can spread out the anticipation for all of you!  Ha ha.  Anyway, here is the list to begin with.  If you're a blogger, feel free to spread the love and do the same thing!

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

3rd Times the Charm?

So third cycle has come and gone and now we're in the waiting phase again. Like I've said before, the waiting phase seriously sucks.  I've not made as big a deal about this cycle with everyone, talking about it a lot less, playing it more low key (aside from now posting it on the blog).  Feels different, so hopefully it will be a good thing.  Funny part about this is my mom says it took 3 cycles to get pregnant with me, so she thinks 3 will be my lucky number.  I find this interesting since mom was on birth control and I haven't been...for oh I don't know 8 years or so.  ;)
I am happy to report that I did get the new position at work.  I am now a sexual assault nurse examiner (SANE-lol) or they also call us forensic nurse examiners.  I finished my 40 hrs of core training which included a lot of book/class time and am now looking forward to my orientation days on the unit.  In other work news, I'm very excited to be starting my twelve hour shifts come December 16th.  It will be hellish in the sense that I will work six 12's straight, but will be well rewarded when I have 8 days straight off!
Gearing up for the holidays, haven't bought a single present yet, but have a couple of ideas in mind for stuff I want to get people.  If you're on my christmas list you should send me an idea of what you want!  Well that's all for now, I should probably go get ready for work.  And hmm, a song for today...

Ghost~Ingrid Michaelson

Do you remember when the walls fell
Do you remember the sound that the door made when you closed it on me
Do you know that I went down to the ground
Landed on both my broken-hearted knees

I didn’t even cry
'Cause pieces of me had already died

I’m a ghost
Haunting these halls
Climbing up walls that I never knew were there
And I’m lost
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart
I’m broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart

You know you make me a ghost
You make me a ghost

I’m an invisible disaster
I keep trying to walk but my feet don’t find the solid ground
It’s like living in a bad dream
I keep trying to scream but my tongue has finally lost its sound

I’ve got to say goodbye
To the pieces of me that have already died

I’m a ghost
Haunting these halls
Climbing these walls that I never knew were there
And I’m lost
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart
I’m broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart

You know you make me a ghost
Oh, you make me a ghost
You make me a ghost
(You take the breath all away from me, you take it away)
You make me a ghost

I don’t cry
I don’t try anymore

I’m a ghost
I’m a ghost
And I’m lost
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart
I’m broken down the middle

I’m a ghost
Haunting these halls
Climbing up walls that I never knew were there
And I’m lost
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart
I’m broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart

You know you make me a ghost
You make me a ghost

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Try #2

Alright, seriously I need to find something to blog about more frequently....or do I really?  Oh well, on to a new post we go.  We did not have our first attempt in August.  I won't go into the details but needless to say timing didn't work out so we moved on to trying in September.  Sadly to say a pregnancy didn't take then, so now we're on to the next attempt here in October.  Funny thing will be that if this one takes, it puts my due date out at the 4th of July.  Go figure, our little patriotic child.  Those of you with the presence of mind to do so, please pray/cross fingers/send good thoughts my way for some fertility this month!

In other news, work continues to go well and I am consistently expanding my knowledge and skills.  I recently applied for the sexual assault nurse examiner position, on an on call basis, but I'm hoping to get it.  They would prefer me to have two years of my L&D experience, however the good word of my manager and my master's degree (yeah!!) are being taken into consideration.  Again, positive thoughts on that as it would completely fulfill all of my SVU dreams and desires.  LOL

Thinking of how time flies, Frances is turning 4 this weekend.  She is such a big girl now, and too damn smart for her own good.  I'm excited to go shopping for her and hopefully get her some stuff she likes.  The weekend after that I can't wait until it comes!  My girls and I are going away for the weekend.  Yup, that's right~me, Kendra, Tiff, and Sarah are all heading down to P-town.  PDX won't know what hit them!

Ok, all I have for now, and I'll leave you with a song of course!

                                                            "Brighter Than The Sun"

Stop me on the corner
I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go with it
Don't you blink you might miss it
See we got a right to just love it or leave it
You find it and keep it
Cause it ain't every day you get the chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

I've never seen it, I found this love, I'm gonna feed it
You better believe, I'm gonna treat it better than anything I've ever had
Cause you're so damn beautiful
Read it, it's signed and delivered let's seal it
Boy we go together like peanuts and paydays and Marley and reggae
And everybody needs to get a chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

Everything is like a white out, cause we shika-shika a shine down
Even when the, when the light's out but I can see you glow
Got my head up in the rafters, got me happy ever after
Never felt this way before, ain't felt this way before

I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go?

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah
Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah
Brighter than the sun.
Brighter than the sun.
Brighter than the sun.
Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

TMI for some....

So, the master's degree experience that has been my life is almost officially ended.  And I'm happy to say that it has been successful.  Despite my awkward night shift schedule, I love my job and I love what I do, and that makes having this job all the more worth it.  So on to the next phase in my life.  And this phase, I'm happy to say, is kids.  Yup, we've decided to expand our family and will officially be trying to get pregnant this month (August that is).  Now those of you that know me well know that I've been obsessed with pregnancy from an early age (let's say 11, 12 maybe).  I also LOVE babies, my favorite developmental stage, I can't lie.  Kerry thinks that once the babies come (I'm hoping for twins, I'll get to that), that when they become toddlers I will start ignoring them and turn over all the parenting to her.  Yeah, not likely, but still funny since she knows me TOO DAMN WELL.  Seriously people, its creepy.
Ok, so when contemplating a lesbian couple trying to get pregnant, I imagine quite a few people have questions. I'll try to address some of them.  
  • Yes we have a donor, yes we know him, no we're not having "actual sex", no I won't tell you who he is, yes he might someday meet the kids, yes I know his health history, yes he checks out medically, and again NO, I won't be telling you who he is.  
  • If I haven't already made it clear, yes I AM the one who will be carrying.  Kerry thinks fetuses in utero are like aliens and I'm pretty sure would find all of pregnancy repugnant.  
  • Contrary to popular opinion, we will in fact not be using a turkey baster to get pregnant.  We'll be using a syringe and catheter.
  • Yes, I am on clomid to help with fertility.  Although I don't have any issues that I know of, my OB is sensitive to our artificial insemination needs, and wants to increase the likelihood of us getting pregnant sooner rather than later.
  • Yes, I am aware that clomid increases the likelihood that we will have twins or higher multiples.  Twins run in my family anyway.  Along with this and other risk factors (being heavy, over 30, over 5'5", etc), raises my risk of twins overall anyway.  I think Kerry will faint if we have twins, but I'm sure we'll deal.
  • No, I don't care what the sex(es) of our babies will be.  I think secretly Kerry would like a boy, but I'm good with whatever.
  • YES, I am retarded for sharing all of this on my blog.  But hey, it's me, what else would I do.
Ok, so other people might have other questions, but hopefully I've addressed some of the basics.  I know the few of you that read this will ask me, either here, or directly, if you have more questions and I'm happy to answer them as needed.  

In other news, I've been increasing in responsibility at my job, taking on more patients as needed, doing triage, taking on more complex patients.  This is a good thing for my hopeful advancement at some point.  I've also been picking up extra hours at work so I can take some time off for a CWU reunion (um, ya know, where my BFF Tiff went to college, not me!).  And then again in October for a girls only weekend.  YEAH!!

So this is day 3 of 100mg of Clomid.  So far, only side effect I've noticed, is that I'm slightly more sensitive/emotional than normal.  Cried for 10 minutes on the way home over a dead dog on the side of the road.  Now Kerry claims that I'm "defensive" and that I'm trying to pick a fight.  Yeah ok whatever, onwards and upwards.

A favorite song of mine these days:
"Hold my Heart" ~Sara Bareilles
I never meant to be the one to let you down
If anything, I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt

I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies
But the truth is you've been hiding from it too
I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes
Saying everything no words could ever do

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

Is anybody listening?
'Cause I'm crying
Is anybody listening?

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Two Months, huh?!?

You would think within two months time that I would have a lot to say.  When did I suddenly become a quiet person?  Well I didn't, I'm sure that's not the problem.  I guess to some extent I'm keeping more stuff to myself these days.  Everyone has their own issues to deal with, their own struggles with everyday life, why bother sharing/burdening myself to others when some of them simply don't care or have so much of their own stuff to deal with that they can't care.  I know, very negative.  Maybe I'm just feeling down with the overwhelming amount of crap I need to do for school that I have yet to do.  Maybe it's because graduation is almost upon me and I'm going to be turning 34.  Is this my midlife crisis?  I bet it is, I don't really think I'll live much beyond 68, right?  Who knows.  Oh well.  Ok, even writing this post makes me sound retarded, yet its like my typical problem, hemorrhage of the mouth has taken place and now I must get it all out and onto the online journal that is my blog.  Or maybe not, maybe the urge has passed and I can just breathe through until the next moment, and the next, and the one after that...


Sunday, March 11, 2012

Oh Good God!

Ok, so I knew it had been awhile since I blogged, but I guess I didn't realize how long it had been.  I'd like to say a ton has happened since I last blogged, but really, it's just life.  It marches on, school keeps going, work keeps going, and I'm alive and well.  Tonight (today) I was sent home early from work on low census, I was able to give up my patient to another nurse and come home around 4am (which technically was like 3am since spring forward daylight savings time happened).  What a poor patient, I felt pretty bad for her.  Not only could she not have an epidural (due to a spinal surgery as a child), she also had an impacted bowel which was making it difficult to measure her cervix, so we had to perform a soap suds enema and then when that didn't work, my charge nurse had to MANUALLY DISIMPACT HER BOWELS.  It was pretty hideous to say the least, but alas, this is the life of nursing.
On a couple of positive notes though, this week was a pretty good highlight in my career to date. First of all, I had a very lovely, somewhat younger (ok 10 years younger than me) patient who I really connected with and was able to educate and make a good impact on.  She ended up delivering about 4 hours after the end of my shift, but she had the day shift nurse send me pictures.  I'm going to send her a card, I really liked her and her family.  I also was invited to the 1 year birthday party of one of my first "traumatic" birth experiences ever.  A mom I took care of while in my clinical as a student who delivered a 12 lb baby boy with a 4th degree repair (I know, this is medical jargon for some of you, sorry) who I took very good care of and was able to educate on breastfeeding and monitoring breathing and other things.  I took my niece, Frances, to the boy's birthday party yesterday and it was so great to see the mom and her family.  I was also able to meet her husband for the first time (as he was deployed during the delivery).  I am so glad that I was able to be there and reconnect with them.
Countdown to graduation happening now.  Ceremony is actually on my birthday, May 27th, which is sort of wicked.  My pinning ceremony is May 25th.  It will be a busy weekend for me to say the least.  And then ALL DONE in August.  I can't wait!
My song for today, it's an old repeat if you recognize it.
"Come to Me"~Mary J. Blige

That was love
That was then
That was us, miracles
I changed you
You changed me
This is how these things go
I was broke
And you were scared
But you stayed by my side, yea

I was yours
You were mine
It seemed we'd last forever, oh yea
I'd be the one you need
You would be the one I marry
And I'm just trying to invite my way back in your heart
And I'm telling you to...

[Chorus:]
Come to me
I'll restore freedom
I'll carve away the worries in your heart

Your heart is missed
I'm a mess, what happened to second chance
This is now, this is how easy things can get out of hand
We were cold, and we were slow then, now we end faster than light, than light

And I'm not ashamed cause my love ain't changed
I'm prepared to beg you back the whole way
Bring me your arms, I'll bring mine too
And we will heal, mend, me and you, telling you...

[Chorus:]
Come to me
I'll restore freedom
I'll carve away the worries in your heart
I'm telling you to...

Come to me
I'll restore freedom
I'll carve away the worries in your heart
And I'm here to make peace, peace, peace
I'm here to make peace, peace, peace
I'm here to make peace, peace, peace
I'm here to make peace, between u and I

Through my doors, and take my hand
Replace our love beyond this land
This is just too much to give away
I love you baby, so why don't you stay

Let the air of your voice dry my tears
Let "I love you", fall on my ears
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
I want you to just...

[Chorus:]
Come to me
I'll restore freedom
I'll carve away your worries in your heart
And I'll be here to make peace
I'm here to make peace peace peace
I'm here to make peace peace peace
I'm here to make peace peace peace between you and I

Wanna make peace with you peace baby
I don't wanna fight, I just wanna do everything right
Show me how to make peace with you
I do wanna make peace with you