Monday, November 28, 2011

Writing Again

Yes, I am writing again.  This is amazing considering that I just finished writing a one page paper.  You would think that my capacity to put written word to page (so to speak) would be tapped out.  But no, you would be wrong.  Only two more weeks of school left.  So glad this semester is almost over.  But at the same time, I have a ten page monstrosity of a paper that I have to write before that time period is over.  Not really looking forward to that.  But as per usual I'm sure I will write it under the pressure of a deadline and it will be all good...hopefully.
So, I have already purchased three christmas presents this year.  That is EARLY for me. I'm determined to knock out shopping sometime before December 15th I think.  It's a VERY nice thing to be earning some money finally again.  Now if I could find that work/school/life balance then all would be perfect.
Ok, so it's a short post.  Off to hang out in the house.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Emotional One

Yes, that's me, the emotional one.  At least it is tonight.  The evening before thanksgiving and I feel like I have so many things to be thankful for.  First off, thankful to be alive and mostly healthy.  Recent events have shown me that although I might be on the heavier side of life, that I have a lot of things in my favor that other people don't have and I am thankful to be healthy.  I'm also thankful for having a family that although can be crazy and wild at times, loves me no matter what.  I'm happy to be a part of a family that loves each other, no matter what happens.  Up or down, love is still there.  I'm so happy and proud to be an Aunt to Frances, Trina, Devan, Niko, Evan, and Alec.  Some of those I added myself too, but hey, I feel like I'm their Aunt.  Being their Aunt in my head and heart is what matters.  I'm thankful for singing to Frances at night sometimes and putting her to sleep, even for having her correct me when I sing the wrong words.  She brings me a peace that I've not known in other areas of my life.  I'm thankful for my KJ who keeps me sane and supports me no matter what.  I'm thankful for my friends who love me unconditionally and are there for me when I need them, in sometimes the dumbest ways possible.  I hope to God that I am as decent a friend to those who care for me as I care for them.  So before I get too far into sounding like an idiot I'm going to leave it there.  I'm thankful.  Thankful for everything I have, everything I've been given, and everything I don't even realize I have....

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Saturday this time (Graphic Warning!)

Life is precarious and special.  How do I know this you ask?  Well it was sort of a bad day for me on my unit.  Not really bad, someone didn't die, but something scary did happen.  I took over at change of shift for a woman who had just delivered her baby girl.  Now, the common procedure is to check her blood pressure and vitals every 15 minutes and also to massage her fundus and check on her bleeding.  All seemed to be going well, but after the five checks were over (the minimum amount of times we are required to do this), she complained of feeling dizzy and feeling a lot of gushing.  I laid her back and immediately tried to massage the fundus and was unable to find it at that time.  I called out calmly for help on the intercom and sure enough my patient was experiencing a little postpartum hemorrhage.  Eventually had to happen I suppose in my line of work but this left me pretty shaken up for the rest of the night.  She was fine by the way, lest I leave anyone concerned for her well being, just had to have her bladder emptied and a little medication given via IV and rectally (good times).  But of course this whole experience had me thinking too much, as I'm prone to do.  These women and babies that are born in my care, they are putting their lives in my hands.  The littlest thing could end up damaging someone, like too much air in an IV line, and I worry almost every day that I might do something that will damage somebody...let alone that I could accidentally kill them.  It's a scary thought and I try to have reverence for the fact that what I am doing is very serious work and should be taken as such.  I know there are bound to be more nights like this, and nights where something even more scary could happen. I hope they are few and far in between and that I do whatever is best and right for my patients.
With that thought in mind, here was my song for tonight...
"Breakable"~Ingrid Michaelson
Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

You fasten my seatbelt because it is the law.
In your two ton death trap I finally saw.
A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret.

Then you drove me to places I'll never forget.

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls-
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls-
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys. 

Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's Beer O'Clock Sunday!

Aren't you excited?  I know I am.  5 nights from tonight it's the premiere of Breaking Dawn (yes I'm a twihard in case you didn't know and NO I don't care if you judge me because of it).  As of right now I'm going on Friday with Tiffany (my bff) and Sarah (my twinnie) and hopefully maybe again on Sunday with Kendra (one friend)...but she hasn't responded quite yet.  Speaking of responses, apparently you only get comments on your blog if you allow anonymous posters to post questions you are expected to answer.  Ever since I posted that blog about how you should be brave enough to at least put your name on your post....nothing!  Now granted, my blogs aren't exactly earth shattering motivational type lovely dovey type posts, but a comment here and there would be nice.  (Now of course I'll probably get several comments and they will likely be making fun of me, but I don't care).  :)  As the blog says, those who know me love me and if you don't know me or love me...then who the F cares.
So, I'm watching the third movie in the Twilight series again tonight.  Watched New Moon again tonight also (had to order both of these this week as my New Moon had mysteriously disappeared-for which I blame Kerry as it's the one I relate to the most and I think she doesn't like to see me cry to it)...but anywho, I digress.  I ordered both 2 and 3 from amazon earlier this week.  Watching them again just gets me all ramped up for the premiere of Breaking Dawn this weekend.  It will be the highlight of my week to say the least.
Today I spent a lot of time sleeping.  I really needed to catch up, I seriously had a mini breakdown at school on Friday after one of my classmates told me that I looked like shit (he said it nicer than this, but still, the effect was the same).  I feel like I am caught up on sleep at least, thank God.  Now I need to catch up on homework.  Need to find the motivation for that.  UGH!
No song to leave you with tonight, all I have are movie lines in my head.  And of course given this post, you could all guess what they might be!  Happy Sunday!!

Monday, November 07, 2011

'Cause I Can

So I've decided to write another blog post.  No particular reason behind this decision, but I'm home, I recently finished a portion of homework, and as the title says...I can!  So interesting day today.  At work we had to discuss fetal demises, still births, non viable live births, and neonatal resuscitation.  That's sort of a depressing yet necessary topic that had to be covered.  The weird part about this is that I had a good day!  Do you think that makes me morbid/weird?!?  Oh well, I am ME and that's all I can be.  So my friend Kendra, who doesn't have a blog so I have to share this story for her, was on the Sounder train today when it apparently hit someone.  She ended up having to be stuck on the train for over 2 1/2 hours (I think, sorry if the time isn't exact) and over such a depressing thing to have happen.  Yet again, my good mood stayed.  I listened to some emotive (big word) instrumental music that my friend Seth sent me, and still my good mood stayed.  Fricking weird!  That's what that is.  So now I'm writing a blog post mostly because I don't want to do anymore homework, there is nothing on TV, and now you all have to read what I'm writing about.  Well you don't have to, but assuming you're here you're going to anyway because you want to know what I'm writing about.....
Speaking of nothing being on TV, watching Monty Python's Life of Brian.  Not normally something I would choose, but hey, here it is on my TV anyway.  So my other plan for the night (other than to take Kendra to her car which didn't happen cause they bus-ed people up to the park and ride) was to go to my sister's house and put the baby (yes Tiff I know she's 3 years old and Sarah had a baby that is younger, but Frances is still the baby to me) to sleep.  Why would I want to go put a 3 year old to sleep you ask?  SEE ABOVE people...I am weird.  I love singing her to sleep at night, after we read several books where she sometimes corrects me if I read it wrong or I don't say it with the voices/noises that her mama does.  And of course as I'm singing her to sleep if I try to hum the words she corrects me and tells me to sing it instead....thankfully when she falls into the first stage of her sleep she will let me hum it.  There are only so many times I can sing the 4 songs of my "Frances Night Time" repertoire before I just want to hum it.  Not to mention the fact that two of those songs I'm a little light on the lyrics in (which she thankfully doesn't know yet).
So I got tired of Monty Python, switched to Law and Order Criminal Intent.  I know I know, it's not SVU,  but it will do in a pinch.  Have you ever watched the London/UK/British version of Law and Order?  I've tried to watch it, can't really get into it the same way that I can the originals!  I'm sure you're all tired of reading my randomness for the night so I'll leave you with a song dedicated to a special someone...you know who you are!!

One and Only~Adele
You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows
Why it's taking me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name,
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts. 

Sunday, November 06, 2011

One Month In..

Well one month in to the school/work/life combination and its definitely had its ups and downs.  There are some nights that I have actually broken down in tears and wanted to give up on the whole thing.  Work itself is going great and I love that part of it.  School...well that's another story.  First of all, not sure the master's program is the right choice for me anymore.  But who knows what will happen.
Today was a semi-rough day at work.  Sort of slow and then on top of that I was zero/four for IV starts.  Such a bummer cause they looked like great starts to start with.  Then ended up not being the best things ever.  Totally lame.
What else is lame, sitting at home, on a Saturday night, at 0100 and still not asleep.  My mistake though since I forgot to refill my medications and thus have no sleeping pills for tonight.  ARGH!
I thought I had a lot to write about...turns out I actually don't.  So I'll say goodnight for now and see you all on the flip side.