Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Lunest....zzzzzz

See, I'd like to finish that blog title up there.  But my medication (Lunesta) for sleep is making me so damn tired during the day that I can barely function.  Turns out getting a good nights sleep is much harder than they make it sound like it should be.  Fucking sheep, they never help.  Sometimes alcohol works...but we all know that's not a good path for me to be taking.  I've gone to the gym, I've quieted the house for time before, I've attempted nothing but sleeping in bed....all to no avail.  SUPER LAME is what I say to that.  So, I'm going off this medication since it's only helping 1/2 the problem and totally creating another one altogether that I'd like to not have.  Hello doctor lady, it's hard enough for me to be up during the day as it is.  If I'm passing out by about 8pm then what is the point of wanting to be a night nurse.  That won't work!
So, tomorrow is my last final and it's in OB.  I should do pretty well on this one as it's my area of interest and I actually pay attention really well in this class.  However, it is the last final and my brain is immensely fried from the previous two that I've already taken.  UGH!  But like I've said before, I am so glad this semester is done.  Still waiting of course to hear about my preceptorship, but just trying to be patient on that one.  Ok, no song today, my favorites are still in my head!
Happy Wednesday people.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Much Needed

Well I'm into finals week finally.  Can't believe this semester is finally over.  It has felt like it has taken forever.  I really feel like I enjoyed quarters at UW much better than I am enjoying semesters at PLU.  Semesters just take to frigging long people, seriously.  Oh well, finals are done by Thursday so I am almost there.  It's also my birthday week which means barbecue on Saturday.  I was hoping to get my new tattoos prior to the BBQ but my artist is booked up (plus there is a cash shortage at the moment), so I will have to put that on hold for now.  Also, if I'm starting my preceptor-ship soon, I'd rather not go into it with any kind of a deficit (which is how some hospitals are viewing tattoos these days).  Bummer!
I am still waiting to hear where I will be interning for the summer.  We've been told we might not know until just before the semester starts, which really sucks.  Sort of hard to plan for anything when you don't know what your schedule might be and you have no idea when you'll be "working" or not.  About half of our class already knows which just makes me more anxious to find out where I am going to be.  I'm fairly certain I did NOT get St. Joe's labor and delivery as the Franciscan positions have already been announced-which really bums me out.  But I've decided to take the positive approach which is that I will end up wherever I am meant to be.  I guess wherever I end up just might need my skills and will increase my education all that much more.
I sang for the first time ever on stage this weekend.  My friend, Megan, played guitar while I sang (into a microphone no less) for the first time ever and did really well.  I was even complimented more than once, despite having started off somewhat shakey and extremely nervous.  So with that in mind, the next song I'd like to sing is this one...I can even change the lyrics to a female/male persuasion if I'd like to....LOL
Beth~Kiss
Beth, I hear you callin'
But I can't come home right now
Me and the boys are playin'
And we just can't find the sound

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

You say you feel so empty
That our house just ain't a home
And I'm always somewhere else
And you're always there alone

Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do

Beth, I know you're lonely
And I hope you'll be alright
'Cause me and the boys will be playin'
All night

Thursday, May 05, 2011

May is National Mental Health Month!

It also happens to be my birthday month.  I don't think these two things are unrelated, go figure!  And while I'm posting this blog from my spot in Tiffany's Starbucks I am listening to the song "Madness" by Alanis Morissette (don't worry dear readers, I will post the lyrics below, even though I'm sure I've posted this song before).  I'm working on a mental health assignment for school and it has me thinking; a dangerous past time I know.  There is a lot of stigma still around the diagnosis of mental health issues.  Two of the most common ones, anxiety and depression, are ones that most people suffer from (at the very least on a temporary basis).  So, in honor of NMHM (yup just made that up) I am going to just own and claim it on here.  I suffer from major depressive disorder.  Not blues, not seasonal depression, not minor life transitional depression but full on MDD.  Now claiming this on my blog might not be revolutionary for some of you, you likely already know that I have this problem.  Did you also know that I suffer from sleep disorders, namely insomnia and night terrors?  Most of you may have guessed this from my super late night/early morning posts when the insomnia is really bad, but it is a full on diagnosis at this point.  My hope though in sharing this is that maybe some people can get help with their own issues.  I know amongst my group of friends: an alcoholic, an anxiety ridden mom, someone with OCD, and someone who I am pretty sure is undiagnosed bi-polar (hell that almost could be me).  Maybe if there was not a stigma associated with mental illness more people would seek treatment. I don't mean magic pill treatment, but even just counseling and recognition of their problem.  I know, it's a lofty goal, but hey~always something to work towards right?

On another note, my diagnosis of chondromalacia (otherwise known as runner's knee) has kept me out of soccer for a few weeks.  I am going to try playing again sometime soon, maybe even this week.  People do not understand how much I NEED that soccer game every week.  It's almost like my lifeline....well that along with the blazing onion trip afterwards which I find very catharctic most of the time.  Ok, time to go back to studying (luckily being a decent writer means I didn't waste a whole lot of time posting this blog).

"Madness"~Alanis Morissette
I've been most unwilling
To see this turmoil of mine
The thought of sitting with this
Has me paralyzed

With this prolonged exposure
To near and averted eyes
I think that I've been waiting
Such mileage for empathizing

Now I see the madness in me
Is brought out in the presence of you
Now I know the madness lives on
When you're not in the room
Though I'd love to blame you for all
I'd miss these moments of opportune
You simply brought this madness to light
And I should thank you

Oh, thank you
Much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh, thank you
For your most generous triggers

It's been all too easy
To cross my arms and roll my eyes
The thought of dropping all arms
Leaves me terrified
And now I see the madness in me
Is brought out in the presence of you
Now I know the madness lives on
When you're not in the room
Though I'd love to blame you for all
I'd miss these moments of opportune
You simply brought this madness to light
And I should thank you

Oh, thank you
Much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh, thank you
For your most generous triggers

I'd have to give up knowing
And give up being right
You, inadvertent hero
You, angel in disguise

And now I see the madness in me
Is brought out in the presence of you
And now I know the madness lives on
When you're not in the room
And though I'd love to blame you for all
I'd miss these moments of opportune
You simply brought this madness to light
And I should thank you

Oh, thank you
Much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh, thank you
For your most generous triggers