Thursday, March 03, 2011

No Apologies!

I used to say this phrase to myself quite a bit, then I modified it to really be something more along the lines of no regrets.  I'm not the type of person to dwell on a decision for a long time before I make it; afterwards, yes, but beforehand there is not always a lot of forethought.  Does this lead me into some trouble spots?  Well of course it does dear readers otherwise I would not be blogging about it now would I.
I tend to be the type of person who cares easily for others and not very well for myself.  I am great at throwing myself into someone else's problems, their life, their whole being....and completely miss the fact that inside of my own body there is a WAR raging that will not be soothed without some effort on my part.  Sometimes I think that I do this on purpose, after all its much easier to dispense advice than to listen to ones own and try to follow it.  For me, it's also always been easier to care about another person than to care about myself.  Subconsciously perhaps, but maybe this is because deep down I don't think I'm worth caring about?!?  Just throwing some self-therapy out at you, no need to be alarmed.  Do I change that?  Well I like to think that I can, and I try from time to time, taking care of myself that is.  It seems so simple, yet to someone who sucks at it, it might as well be my own personal Mt. Everest.
Related to this very issue is another thing that was brought to my attention, again, recently.  I care TOO much, if such a thing is possible.  This is often told/suggested to me in the context of me thinking too deeply, being too emotional, and/or treading somewhere that I was not wanted.  So then I wonder, and ponder, and wonder some more....can someone learn to care less?  And if they can, is this necessarily a good thing, or is the world in general not balanced by people like me caring too much against those in the world who care too little?!?!  I refuse to think, that of all the possible things in life to worry about, me caring too much about people is really a bad thing.  It also seems to be an inherent part of my nature, and in so being, I refuse to apologize for that.  There is nothing wrong with being me, aside from choosing people in my life who often don't care about me as much as I do about them.  If that is the worst thing that comes from it, along with me sometimes having my feelings hurt, I really don't think I need a 12 step program to work over/through it.  There is much more I would like to say (isn't there usually?), but in the interest of maintaining some brevity...I will end on this note.
On Saturday I get to attend a birth class and birthing inn tour for my OB class.  Although not the most exciting of things, I am looking forward to this experience.  Who knows, maybe it will benefit me in the not too far future.
Not related to this post whatsoever, but it was the last song I just listened to....
"Skin"~Rihanna
The mood is set,
So you already know what's next.
TV on blast,
Turn it down,
Turn it down.
Don't want it to clash,
With my body screaming now.
I know you hearin' it,
You got me moaning now.
I got a secret that I wanna show you, oh.
I got a secret imma drop em to the floor, oh.

[Hook:]
No teasin,
You waited long enough.
Go deep,
Imma throw it at ya,
Can't catch it.
Don't hold back,
You know I like it rough.
Know I'm feelin ya, huh.
Know you liking it, huh.

[Chorus:]
So why you standing over there with ya clothes on,
Baby strip down for me,
Go on take em off.
Don't worry baby,
Imma meet you half way,
Cause I know you wanna see me.

[Verse 2:]
Almost there,
So baby don't stop what you're doing.
Softer than them others
Boy I know you wanna touch.
Breathing down my neck,
I can tell ya wanna -
And now you want it like,
Want you to feel it now.
I got a secret that I wanna show you, ou.
I got a secret Imma drop em to the floor, ou.

[Hook:]
No teasin,
You waited long enough.
Go deep,
Imma throw it at ya,
Can't catch it.
Don't hold back,
You know I like it rough.
Know I'm feelin ya, huh.
Know you liking it, huh.

[Chorus:]
So why you standing over there with ya clothes on,
Baby strip down for me,
Go on take em off.
Don't worry baby,
Imma meet you half way,
Cause I know you wanna see me.

[Chorus 2:]
No heels,
No shirt,
No skirt,
All I'm in is just skin.
No jeans,
Take em off,
Wanna feel your skin.
You a beast, oh.
You know that I like that.
Come on baby,
All I wanna see you in is just skin.

[Bridge:]
All in baby,
Don't hold nothing back.
Wanna take control,
Nothing wrong with that.
Say you liking how I feel,
Ain't gotta tell me that.
Just put your skin baby on my skin.

[Chorus 2:]
No heels,
No shirt,
No skirt,
All I'm in is just skin.
No jeans,
Take em off,
Wanna feel your skin.
You a beast, oh.
You know that I like that.
Come on baby,
All I wanna see you in is just skin.

No heels,
No shirt,
No skirt,
All I'm in is just skin.
No jeans,
Take em off,
Wanna feel your skin.
You a beast, oh.
You know that I like that.
Come on baby,
All I wanna see you in is just skin.
All I wanna see you in is just skin.
All I wanna see you in is just skin.
All I wanna see you in
All I wanna see you in is your skin, oh. 

1 comment:

SarahLynn said...

Really the only person who ends up hurt from you caring too much is you. Still not great, but I often wonder what would happen if I didn't say something, or worry about the outcome of what someone else was going through. I don't think I would hurt any less if I kept my mouth closed and something awful happened. That being said, sometimes you need to separate yourself and care a little less when it becomes evident that you are in more pain because of them. Others will only let you care so much, and some can see your caring as nagging or controlling. Not you specifically, but more me in this instance. But that thing about needing some distance still stands. Wish I was there with you.