Friday, January 28, 2011

201!!!!

When I logged in to blog today I realized there was actually a tally of how many posts I've had to this blog.  This one makes my 201st post.  I feel like I should make this a happy go lucky positive post, but stuff was rough this week so I'm going to go ahead and "keep it real" as it were.  Today was one of the hardest weeks I have had since being at school.  It really shouldn't have been per se, didn't start off bad nor did I have anything specific happen that really ruined it or anything.  However, it was the start of my pediatrics rotation, which I have so been looking forward to (and I mean on the floor in the hospital pediatrics).  After everything I experience and went through with kids this week I have learned a few things:  1) I empathize with the kids too much so trying to do procedures on them or anything invasive is way too hard for me  2) From a nursing perspective I really like kids under 1 1/2 and over age 6-under 1 1/2 has a short memory and can't still be angry at you for what's going on and over 6 they can understand what's happening and you have slightly more reasoning power with them and 3) Although I've been really thinking I would be a pediatric nurse it turns out....I am likely not going to be.  Mostly for the reasons I just listed.  I LOVED my NICU rotation, really loved it.

I had the opportunity to participate in mock throughputs at the new hospital opening in Enumclaw too.  For that exercise I was able to be "pregnant" twice and have two different types of deliveries.  One was a regular delivery no complications.  For the other one there were massive complications, had to be given oxygen, had to have the "doctor" simulate riding on the bed with me down to the OR where I was "put under" general anesthesia and then delivered a healthy baby.  So a few things occur to me during this volunteer exercise, one of which was not a surprise.  First, I love babies, have always loved them, have a way with them, can get them to sleep when others cannot and just generally I totally GET them (even though some would argue there is not much to get).  Secondly, being in this whole mock pregnancy/birth thing made me a little sad and nostalgic that I do not yet have my own kids.  I mean here I am role playing with the nurse and she's asking me about my baby and what the sex is and what name I've picked out (and NO, I won't tell you what I told her the names were so do not ask me), and actually feeling....bereft if that's the right word.  Hard to explain in words and some of you won't get it anyway, so I'll just leave it at that.

So, switching topics/gears if you will, so come along with me for the next journey.  I had my heart broken this week.  I know this seems weird coming from me, but here it is, I'll lay it out for you.  Someone I think very highly of and have come to know pretty well (or at least I think I know this person pretty well).  Well amazingly enough this person did something I do not really like nor do I approve of.  Okay I know you're thinking, well it isn't my place to judge or to make any other extraneous assumptions about another person--which is absolutely true.  But part of my coming to know this person and liking them and really caring for them has to do with me seeing them as sticking to what they believe in, and really living what it is they say they believe in.  So they make a few choices, they fall perhaps from the pedestal I put them on, not really their fault (to a certain degree) and there it is my heart ends up broken.  Amazingly enough, with GOOD communication all things such as this can be fixed; but usually have to go through the difficult kind of fighting period to get there.  And even then, people we love and care about will make choices we do not agree with and have no control over, so giving in to our emotions about it really only hurts ourselves (or myself I guess I should say).  So my song for tonight will go out to this person, they know who they are, love you...

"In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man"~ Alanis Morissette

You are the bravest man I’ve ever met 
You unreluctant at treacherous ledge 

You are the sexiest man I’ve ever been with 
You, never hotter than with armor spent 

When you do what you do to provide 
How you land in the soft as you fortify 

This is in praise of the vulnerable man 
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home 

You, with your eyes mix strength with abandon 
You with your new kind of heroism 

And I bow and I bow down to you 
To the grace that it takes to melt on through 

This is in praise of the vulnerable man 
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home 
This is a thank you for letting me in 
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man 

You are the greatest man I’ve ever met 
You the stealth setter of new precedents 

And I vow and I vow to be true 
And I vow and I vow to not take advantage 

This is in praise of the vulnerable man 
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home 
This is a thank you for letting me in 
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man 

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