Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Emotional Much?!?

"You can make your life what you want it to be, you just have to decide to do it."~Burgandy (Biggest Loser-Current Season).  She was the person voted off this week.  I watched this week's episode and kept bawling, can you say emotional much?!?  Hence the title, duh.  I had my first workout with my trainer this week, forgot how much I missed working out with a trainer.  It's so much easier to not push yourself when you are doing weights, to say well I can only do a 5lb dumbbell, well harder to tell somebody you can't do a 10lb dumbbell when she just puts in your hands.  Then that's like admitting defeat before you've already started, which I absolutely refuse to do.  We started off the workout with ropes, which if you've never worked with before, holy shit!  I only had to do one minute intervals with pounding these ropes up and down like a drum beat, but it sure felt like I was beating the crap out of my arms.  Bri's description of why we do these first, to burn out all the smaller muscles first so that we can easily keep working on the bigger muscles.  Well it definitely worked.  Last night before going to bed, I wasn't sure I could turn over in my sleep if I wanted to.  Speaking of sleep, I apparently couldn't do that either, as I was out of my nighttime medications and had too hard of a time getting any sleep at all.  LAME!
I have a new long term goal that I think will be a positive one.  I want to do a four week vacation at the Biggest Loser Fitness Camp, at a current price of $8000, this is definitely a long term goal.  But I will get there.  Four weeks, focusing on my health and fitness, helpfully leading to a better more happy more healthy life...I think it's a good goal to have.  My first week of biggest loser competition sees me down about 4 lbs total, I thought it was 6 lbs, but after weight training last night I think I'm retaining a little bit of water.  As my trainer says, it's not all about the scale, it's about the body fat percentage.   And since my BFF Tiffany posted her body fat percentage, I will go ahead and post mine, it's 41%.  I"m happy that I'm less than half body fat, but still have a ways to go.  The goal is 26%, so that's 15% more body fat that I have to drop, and I will do it.  Because I am in the mental place to do it.  I am not sitting in my classes learning how much being obese effects every likelihood of you developing pretty much every scary disease and not doing something about it.  I will become different.  I'm someone who has always enjoyed working out, I like team sports (of course soccer) and I like working out in the gym...working out is not my problem.  My problem is that I love food, all kinds, all sorts of unhealthy stuff.  BUT, that being said, my trainer says 90% of the equation for me is going to be the food.  So, no more excuses, food is fuel only.  It's not fun emotional pleasure center fulfilling candy, it's just fuel, to make me be alive, nothing more.

"Not Afraid"~Eminem
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

[Intro (during Chorus):]
Yeah, it's been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You could try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take the sting out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causin mayhem
When I say I'ma do somethin I do it,
I don't give a damn what you think,
I'm doin this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stoppin me
I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony
No if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he
From "Infinite" down to the last "Relapse" album
he's still shittin, whether he's on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he's got the urge
to pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe


Okay quit playin with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your feelings, instead of gettin crowned you're gettin capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last "Relapse" CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't goin back to that now
All I'm tryin to say is get back, click-clack, blaow
Cause I ain't playin around
It's a game called circle and I don't know how, I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryin to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't, this fuckin black cloud
still follows, me around but it's time to exorcise these demons
These muh'fuckers are doin jumpin jacks now!


And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
for you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
my world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
and drop dead, no more beef flingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
to focus solely on handlin my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
and raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar
I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazin at stars
I feel amazing and I'm

1 comment:

Nurse Jaime said...

Testing testing testing...