Sunday, August 15, 2010

Takhlakh Lake

Back from a weekend at Takhlakh lake with my mom and godmother Pam.  So many things to say about this trip.  The weather was good.  I got some studying done (which was somewhat difficult as it was windy the first evening and the whole next day).  But I did get in a couple hikes around the lake and a swimming excursion with my mom.  That in and of itself was hilarious as watching my mom get up on her air mattress was pretty entertaining.  Also, forgot how cold the water is, it always is to start with, but the body always acclimates and once I was up on the tube I was loving life.  I forget from time to time how much I love being in the water.
The trip was also sad in some ways.  The campgrounds are much busier than they used to be when we were kids.  I missed having my best friend with me, and remembering all the crazy things we would do while up there. But while the sun was shining and I was on the water looking at the snow covered mountain, all I could remember was rowing out to the middle with me and my BFF, books in hands, shades on (because as always we're too cool for school) and once we were set, we'd lay in the boat and read, floating to and fro with no particular destination in mind.  How serene and unreal it seems in hindsight to remember having that little responsibility, when everything drifted away and you could just float.  I don't think we can ever get that sort of peace back....but I definitely mean to try from time to time.  Saturday night, at pretty late dusk, I walked down to the restroom and out to the boat dock and just looked up at the mountain in night, the moon nowhere to be seen, but a sort of light shining on the water anyway (perhaps the reflection of the snow on the mountain).  And me, being me, for no particular reason, I just started crying.  A huge emotional well just tapped inside of me and I just let it flow.  Some things cannot be undone, and other things cannot be unlearned....but that's just a part of life.  How we choose to live after the fact, that's what matters.
One more final tomorrow, one more day of clinicals at the nursing home and then I'm free for this semester...well sort of.  Surgery taking place this Thursday, so several more weeks of healing ahead of me.  I guess as usual, I've done this before and will do it again (the surgery/recovery/healing thing that is).  Well back to studying for the night.

"Misguided Ghosts"~Paramore
I am going away for a while 
But I'll be back don't try and follow me 
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible 
See I'm trying to find my place 
And it might not be here where I feel safe 
We all learn to make mistakes 

And run from them, from them 
With no direction 
We'll run from them, from them 
With no conviction 

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts 
Traveling endlessly 
Don't need no roads 
In fact they follow me 
And we just go in circles 

Now I'm told that this is life 
And pain is just a simple compromise 
So we can get what we want out of it 
Would someone care to classify 
Our broken hearts and twisted minds 
So I can find someone to rely on 

And run to them, to them 
Full speed ahead 
Oh you are not useless 
We are just 

Misguided ghosts 
Traveling endlessly 
The ones we trusted the most 
Pushed us far away 

And there's no one road 
We should not be the same 
But I'm just a ghost 
And still they echo me 

They echo me in circles

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