Friday, June 25, 2010

Awww...Dammit

Well, it's almost one in the morning and I just finished writing a paper and (mostly) finishing a health history form. Doesn't that sound exciting?!?  LOL.  Looking forward to the end of this week, as it means only 6 more weeks to go.  But at the same time, next week is going to be ROUGH!  More patho quizzes of course (I swear the bain of my nursing school existence), as well as my first patho EXAM.  In addition to the two other tests I have, one of which includes the dosage exam that I am still aiming for 100% on.  Things just keep piling up, so attempting to practice good study habits as well as my (not so excellent) organizational skills in order to keep myself on track.  I swear though, advanced pathophysiology (hereafter and previously referred to as patho) is going to kill me.  I sit through lecture, prepared (which is rare for me) and feel like I am staring at my 50+ year old lesbian teacher like she is speaking a language no one has ever heard of.  So then I sit through the class, because of how she presents it, wondering why I don't get it.  It wasn't until I asked a fellow student if she was understanding and she said no, not really, that I realized it wasn't just that I was dumb.  The material is HARD and overwhelming....and likely never going to be used in my day to day activities as a nurse.  Good times!!
Ok sorry, enough about patho.  Saturday marks the return of ME to my favorite activity-SOCCER.  Even though it's indoor (sorry Tiff, but outdoor is my fav), I am very excited and ready to get back into playing.
Well I thought I had more to say, but I just got distracted by facebook.  So I will end with my song for the night....

Firebomb, Rihanna
"Gunfire left a hole in the tank, losing gasoline 
Fire is on my trail and he's after me 
Hope it don't get here before I get where I'm going I gotta get where I'm going 
Take off my mask to breathe 

You could've been a part of a masterpiece 
Fluid in the brakes was the last to leak 
That's the thing 

Where im going I don't need my brakes, 
Can't wait to see your face, 
When your front windows break, 
and I come crashing through 

The lovers need to clear the road 
Oh oh 
Because this thing is ready to blow 
Oh oh 

I just wanna set you on fire 
So I won't have to burn alone 
Then you 
Then you'll know where I'm coming from 
Fire bomb... 
Fire bomb 

Seems cold but baby no it doesn't have to be, 
Microwaving a metal tragedy 
Watching it burning, it's beautiful and it's blue 
and it's pitiful and it's blue, it's the other half of me 
I didn't do it you lit the match for me, 
Now we're flying from the blast baby, 
Thats the thing. 

Where we're going we don't need no brakes, 
Can't wait to see your face, 
when your front windows break, 
and I come crashing through. 

The lovers need to clear the road 
Oh oh, 
Because this thing is ready to blow 
Oh oh, 

I just wanna set you on fire 
So I won't have to burn alone 
Then you 
Then you'll know where I'm coming from 
Fire bomb... 
Fire bomb 

Baby we were killin' em, 
They couldnt handle the millionth degree 
We were criminals, 
As we were burning, the world called the police 

Fire department, ambulance 
You can call me crazy 'cause I believe 
The only move for me and you 
Is to go out blazing 

The lovers need to clear the road 
Oh, oh, oh 
Cause this thing is ready to blow 
Oh, oh, oh 

I just wanna set you on fire 
So I won't have to burn alone 
Then you 
Then you'll know where I'm coming from 
Fire bomb 
Oh oh 
Fire bomb"

Sunday, June 20, 2010

One week Completed, 7 more to go...this semester!

Well I've completed my first week of nursing school.  It feels weird to even type that, but yet here I am typing it, knowing that it's true.  I made it in, I amidst an applicant pool of more than 120, have made it into the nursing program at PLU in my cohort of 17 students.  That's pretty special right, I should feel good about that, right?  I do, and I don't at the same time.  The stress of the workload is pretty intense, I can't say more than I expected, but more than I realized perhaps in the sense of wanting to be a good student.  I'm not typically a good student.  I mean yes I get good grades, and mostly always have, however my study habits are atrocious and I'm easily distracted.  Take right now for instance.  I should be working on my advanced patho-physiology homework.  I started it, and have completed likely 2/3 of it, however I am now watching new moon and trying to finish my self assessment for my health promotion class.  Self assessment for a class, such a joke to me, how much time have I spent in counseling or other mediums trying to assess myself.  So funny.
I keep growing, I keep learning, I keep striving for my absolute best.  And yet sometimes there are those things that feel like they just hold me back.  Is it me, is it the situation, is it something outside or within my control?!?  Sometimes it feels like it's hard to know, anything at all.  So many times, you feel like you've made the best decision you possibly could, but is it the right one, and if it is the right one, who is it right for?  Do we become self serving, making only the decisions that are within our best interests....or sometimes do we not make the decisions best reflected to those we love, the ones closest to us that we cannot live without?  How do we not make decisions to make it easier for them, even if it hurts us.  
I go back to the surgeon tomorrow.   Hopefully he will clear me back to 100% so that I can return to my running schedule and playing soccer.  I can't believe how much I've missed soccer (and running for that matter).  Amazingly enough, even without full physical activity, I have managed to lose more weight and keep it off.  That, I can be proud of.  I was amazed when I finally went shopping to realize I was down another full 2 sizes from where I was the last time I purchased anything.  I will get where I need to be....no matter what the area in my life.  Well...I should likely study but am going to finish new moon instead.  LOL.

song for today
Nobody Knows~Pink
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows no

Nobody likes
Nobody likes to lose their inner voice
The one I used to hear before my life
Made a choice
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows
No

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
I think nobody knows no
I said nobody knows
Nobody cares

It's win or lose not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way
Of always knowing my name
But I think nobody knows
No no
Nobody knows no no no no

Baby
Oh the secret's safe with me
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be
And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown
And I've lost my way back home
And oh no no no no
Nobody knows
No no no no no no

Tomorrow I'll be there my friend
I'll wake up and start all over again
When everybody else is gone
No no no

Nobody knows
Nobody knows the rhythem of my heart
The way I do when I'm lying in the dark
And the world is asleep
I think nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
Me 



PS-Why doesn't anyone ever comment on my blog anymore...do I really have nothing exciting to say?!?!