Tuesday, May 19, 2009

moon baby

Interesting times around our house these days...but what can you expect.  So much upheaval and change in such a short period of time is bound to makes waves/cause issues/bring about...well change I suppose.  I got a 90% on my last A&P test, which brought my grade high enough to be in the right range for the nursing application for pierce college anyway.  No idea what it needs to be for UW, but I'm pushing it as high as I can.  I'm sitting at a 95% in chemistry right now, which is just fine for me.
Hard workout last night and today, so my abs are so sore that they actually make it hard to feel hungry (i.e. my sore abs somewhat resemble an upset stomach, argh).
Why does someone email you telling you how badly they want to talk to you but they don't know how or what to say?  Isn't that like telling someone you'd like to help them but the freeway to their house is closed....I don't get it.
How do you define what a friend is?  I think sometimes its easier to define what one is not when you can't describe what one is.  I can tell you all kinds of things about why I have friends like Tiffany, Kendra, Shelley, Liz, Keri.  But sometimes I think trying to define friendship is difficult.  I guess its a lot like love in that way, unless you are the one in it and experiencing it, you cannot describe it, and no one else outside of the two people experiencing it fully understand it.  Is that why we then say "they just don't understand"?
I think of these things as my eldest niece is becoming a young woman.  I remember what it was like to be that age and I would give anything to protect her from what I went through or from what her mom went through.  I look at Devan and try to encourage her to do all the things I know she can accomplish, same for Niko.  I look at my peep (Frances) and laugh at her trying to imitate the noises I make with my mouth, knowing that just being around her for a period of time, no matter how brief, can lift my spirits.
I am glad to be alive, truly, and yet at the same time I sort of feel like this (can you name the movie?):
"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon"


Anonymous said...

Its Practical Magic....common you weren't even really trying.

LeClaire said...

Crap thought it left my name, but not so much! sorry!!!