Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Bones are...practical?

Tomorrow is the big day people, my bone practical in anatomy & physiology.  What this means?  Well he's going to put out about 26 different bones.  We have to be able to name the bones and likely the bony "landmarks" on the bones.  Didn't know bones had landmarks did you?  Well now you know and half the battle.  What battle you may ask...well I don't know that's for you to figure out.  
This will be a short post, it's been a long day and the evening was a bit emotional for me.  And, for the love of god, I am opening tomorrow...I don't know why I told Liz I would do that.  You all know how much of a morning person I am.
"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I wanted a truck, I wanted a truck....

So I fricking got a truck, on Friday night. AND I love it. It's a silver quad cab Toyota Tacoma. Now I have always loved the Tacomas, have been in love with them since they first came out, back when I was like in, oh, I don't know, junior high?!? Haha. So now I have one and I'm not going to lie, I look pretty cute in it. I had an emotional day yesterday. So I gave into some retail therapy....and bought a new sound system for said truck. I'm not going to lie there's fricking amazing. So it's nice to know that when I have no money I can hang out in my truck and listen to whatever music I so choose. Excellent. School is going well, I got a 95% on my first chemistry test-who didn't know that was coming (hello remember the last post here-chemistry loves me as I love it), I also got an 88% on my first psych test (yeah psych=psychos=I should have scored higher), and I only got a 76% on my first a&p test. I talked to my professor because let's face it, that's an ouch in my world. He said the first test is the hardest and that I can make up the score. I have to get above an 85% in that class just to raise my "points" high enough for my nursing application this summer. So fingers crossed on that one everyone. Yesterday was one month until my birthday. One month until my birthday and then what approximately 40 days give or take until the first storm game. SIGH...if only I could explain. Lyrics: "It's been so long That I haven't seen your face I'm tryna be strong But the strength I have is washing away It wont be long Before I get you by my side And just hold you, tease you, squeeze you Tell you what's been on my mind I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na" Yeah don't ask people...they just come to me. xoxo

Thursday, April 16, 2009


its time for another tattoo folks. that's right, you know i've always needed a fifth one, which means eventually a sixth since i hate odd numbers. so, it's going on my right wrist, that much i know for sure. what it will contain is still up in the air. today i think i came up with something i might do. "ad idem" over a roman numeral II. ad idem=of the same mind...and of course we all know what the roman numeral stands for, right?!? if you don't know, you're retarded so just move on. it's sunny out today, very beautiful, reminds me of summer. summer means storm games are coming. storm games mean....well they mean something that's for sure. not sure if disneyland is happening now, hopefully it will, but things are too much up in the air. i can't believe i'm going to be 31 next month, where the hell does the time go? a year seems to pass without so much as a second glance and without much thought about it. but so much can change in a year, so many things can be seen through a different viewpoint, a different lens on life, a different heart. a year seems like a long time, so how can it pass so quickly? do you remember where you were a year ago, do you know what you were doing? i never fails. argh, i don't really want to go to class, i pretty much can't stand this class. i think it's the teacher, i hope it gets better, i really do. oh hey, but i still love chemistry, and chemistry loves me back. "I pull the covers 'cross the bed I tuck away the thoughts in my head And I live behind closed doors Knowing I will always love you more"

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


You know what I mean, right? You get to that point where all of the little things have started to add up, up, up and up and suddenly they are right on top of you and there is nothing you can do and all you want to do is scream and cry and kick your way out of it, like you are trying to surface from under the biggest tidal wave. And then you do and its peaceful and calm and the water is blue and the oxygen fills your lungs....yeah I'm waiting for that peaceful blue moment right now. Keep your fingers crossed for me that it happens sooner than later. On another note, have you ever had this thing (a thought, a person, an issue, a concern, etc) that you just couldn't get out of your head, no matter how hard you tried? That even though you deny it, you ignore it for as long as possible, push it aside in your mind, not feeding it by dwelling on it...even though you do all of those things, despite having any sustenance to do so, it stays strong inside of you, a silent but deadly reminder that it won't just go away. How does it live on despite the absence of any type of positive feedback that should keep it around? And then I just think....hell this is who I am right? It has to roll around in my head forever until I can find the "answer" so that I can be right or whatever it is I need to feel better about it. Okay, now I am just free flow typing and I'm not even sure I'm making sense, but I don't care, it's my blog, I just want to write. I used to write, I used to have an outlet for some of this stuff. Some of that has been denied to me, for better or worse, but I still do sometimes. I write where nobody else can see it, where only I have access to it, where I am the only person there to put out every secret thought I have, especially those that no one wants to hear about but me. "How are you?" people ask, but they don't want the real answer do they, we all want to hear, "I'm good, how are you?" and so that's what we say. To our closest we say, no really, how are you, because we care and we want to know and we want to help, empathize, sympathize, whatever it may be. What's my point with this conversation....I don't know, I don't have one, do I ever?!?! "Oh baby dont you know I suffer? Oh baby can you hear me moan? You caught me under false pretenses How long before you let me go? You set my soul alight"

Sunday, April 12, 2009

More song lyrics.

Sometimes the song lyrics just fit at the moment, so its easier than writing my own crap sometimes. Ha ha. Happy Easter Everyone. "Leave Out All The Rest" I dreamed I was missing You were so scared But no one would listen Cause no one else cared After my dreaming I woke with this fear What am I leaving When I'm done here So if you're asking me I want you to know When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed And don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Don't be afraid I've taken my beating I've shared what I made I'm strong on the surface Not all the way through I've never been perfect But neither have you So if you're asking me I want you to know When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed Don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Forgetting All the hurt inside You've learned to hide so well Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are

Monday, April 06, 2009

Stuck inside of me...

"How can I decide what's right When you're clouding up my mind? I can't win You're losing sight All the time Not gonna ever own what's mine When you're always taking sides But you won't take away my pride No, not this time Not this time How did we get here? I used to know you so well How did we get here? Well, I think I know The truth is hiding in your eyes And it's hanging on your tongue Just boiling in my blood But you think that I can't see What kind of man that you are If you're a man at all Well, I will figure this one out On my own On my own How did we get here? I used to know you so well, yeah How did we get here? Well, I think I know Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools Of ourselves Do you see what we've done? We've gone and made such fools Of ourselves How did we get here? I used to know you so well, yeah How did we get here? Well, I used to know you so well I think I know I think I know There is something I see in you It might kill me I want it to be true"

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Love is not matter

Yes, that's correct people, love is not matter. Now I'm not saying love does not matter, I'm saying it is not matter. Matter has been defined for me as that which has mass and takes up space and as we can all clearly ascertain, love does not physically take up space or have mass. But boy, if you are the person feeling it (or the loss of it) it sure does seem like it is matter doesn't it? Haven't you ever felt the weight of a broken heart resting deeply in your chest, occupying the area that used to be filled with happiness and light. Oh well, I guess it's a scientific notion versus a belief. So, I have chemistry again this quarter and my first round of anatomy and physiology. I found out in A&P last night that we are going to have dissect fetal pigs this quarter. Yeah me, remind me again why it is that I think I can be a nurse. I really thought I was going to be sick when he was just talking about it. But I guess it's better than cats. Jenn was telling me a story about how they dissected cats in her A&P class and that when she opened her cat up there were four unborn kittens in that is nasty/disgusting/horrifying to me. Not to mention the fact that hello, I have cats, I don't know if I could dissect one. Well only a month and a few days until we all head to Disneyland. Me, Kerry, Tiff, Will & the kids. It will be a very exciting and much needed vacation. So far it looks like it will work just fine with my school schedule so that's good. Lyrics today: "Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone? Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?" xoxo-J