Friday, February 27, 2009

Friday

It's Friday, that's great news, right?!? Ha ha. Well let's see, I finished my biology paper late last night, at around 12:30 and got it emailed and printed out this morning so that is all good. I know it wasn't my best paper either, but hey, I am a natural born writer sometimes and it will definitely be good enough for this teacher. I got registered for next quarter's classes. Happy to say that I had met with an advisor yesterday and found out that I was closer than I thought, which means I can apply to Pierce's nursing program this spring for entrance winter quarter and I can apply to TCC's program for fall quarter. That is exciting news. I am also one step closer to starting my volunteership at Mary Bridge. I went in to the hospital today to get my booster for MMR, so that is cool too, although my arm is a bit sore at the moment. Before I get into nursing school I also have to start the rounds of Hep vaccinations, yeah!! More pricks in the arm. One more paper to write for biology, but it is more of a personalized essay about our volunteer work. Chemistry project due in two weeks, which will be easy also. I'm happy to tell everyone I have a 4.0 in chemistry right now and about a 3.5 in biology which is great for me. Haven't made enough progress in psych yet, but plan on getting some done in the next two weeks (good thing its a self paced class). ha ha. xoxo-LC

Monday, February 23, 2009

Chance, Fate, Destiny?

I can't help thinking about those things these days. I know I probably shouldn't, some would say it's not dealing with what I can control but worrying about that which I have no control. But its those things that I worry about. I have to believe that the things that are meant to happen will happen, even if not on the time schedule I would like. I need to believe in myself, and the knowledge that no matter what comes my way, I will be okay, I will survive and hopefully thrive. I have to remember that I have friends who love me and care about me, and a family that does the same. I try to remind myself of all of these things on the days when it is not going the way that I would like it to, that everything is not combining in a way to make it my most positive upbeat uplifting type of day. Or as a friend (or two) recently used and I will borrow from here, an "I am under the bell jar" type of day. But what do you do when you are someone who wants to talk, who needs to talk, and yet the thing you want to talk about is something that nobody wants to hear about, that people do not understand, that makes you feel more alone in the world than anything else?!? Then what do you do, well you try to be a person who doesn't want/need to talk about stuff, you hide it inside of you and hope that it doesn't show to everyone else and that nobody notices. You hope that it goes away, even though you are pretty sure that it won't, ever. How do you let go of something that has gripped you so fiercely, so intensely, that you know deep down inside, that you are right, that no matter what the world shows you or what you perceive/perceived, you know you were right. How do you look at what everyone says is true and know that it is false? You don't right, you tell yourself you are crazy, that people know better than you, that you must be wrong. And then you cycle through it all over again. Please don't read this blog and think I need you to call and check on me. I don't, and you don't need to. I am okay and will always be. "I miss the sound of your voice, The loudest thing in my head, And I ache to remember, All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Can or can not.

"What I need to do is turn this car around, Drive as fast as I can 'til I see the lights of our hometown, And run to her, take her in my arms" I went to the beach today. Amazing that we got here yesterday but nobody went down there until today. Go figure. I did myself some thinking down there at the beach (a dangerous past time for the crazy lady I know). I realized some things, or at least acknowledged and came to truly understand some things. I know that I can not change who I am, but I can choose to let only the good parts of me show. I know that I can not change what people do to me, but I can change how I react to them. I know that I can not change what my appearance is, but I can continue to exercise and build a strong healthy body. I know that the I cannot worry about the future, but I can focus on my state of being in the present. I know that I cannot change who loves me and who doesn't, but I can treat everyone as they deserve to be treated. I know that I cannot help everyone who needs it, but I can do somethings for those that ask for my help. There was more, but now that its later in the evening I've of course forgotten some of them. We took Peep in the pool today, she liked it and we all had a good time. Moms cooking dinner now and then my sister and I are hitting the SUPER hopping bars in town. Ha ha ha. All of you that see these blogs, I love you all. Happy Valentine's Day.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Oceans Apart....Day after Day

Okay so not really apart per se, but I am heading to the ocean this weekend. As some of you already, my sister turned 40 yesterday. For her birthday last night we actually went out to the muckleshoot buffet (yeah, such a great thing for me who can't really eat much but that's cool), and ended up gambling for several hours. I came out ahead, which is pretty much awesome so I am glad about that. So for the rest of her birthday extravaganza we (as in me, her, my niece Peep, and my mom) are heading to Long Beach, WA for a little R&R (or not so much as any family gathering with my family can turn out to be). 3 generations altogether in one hotel suite, it should be fun that is sure. Tomorrow is my second biology exam. I know it doesn't seem like it since I am posting a blog, but I have studied much harder for this exam and I really hope that I do well. I know the weather might suck at the beach, but I plan on running at least once everyday that I am there. I have another fill (finally) on Monday and am doing really well losing weight, so I want to keep that up. There is still many things worrying me every day. I hope, when I am at the beach, that maybe I can write those things down in the sand and let the waves wash them away. xoxo. LC

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The Right Thing

Well, what a loaded title for a blog, right? But hey, you'll understand why in a little while. As you probably read in my last post, Kerry and I were trying to help a friend out recently. Turns out, you can't help someone who won't help himself. Needless to say, our friend Terry is no longer staying here and he won't be returning here anytime in the near future. Bummer news, but hey, can't blame myself (even though that is what I want to do) because people have issues and you can only try to do your best. I have never claimed to be perfect, nor do I ever expect to be, but I try to do the right things, even if sometimes those are not the "right things" for me according to others. I want right now to not question why it is I put my faith/trust/love in people that do not deserve it. Is it something I am doing wrong, or the people that I choose just not worthy of what I have to offer them. I don't know. Not a positive day. Post again some other time. LC

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Superbowl Sunday

It's superbowl sunday. I'd like to say that I'm having a huge party and everyone is invited, however I have to work, go me!! Ha ha. But I am okay with that, because I could care less about the cardinals or the steelers, so watching the superbowl is overrated to me this year. I wonder who I am closing with though, that makes all the difference in how the day goes at work. I closed with connie last night. She freaking rocks! We were out of there on time and I got all my anal retentive cleaning done. Woohoo. Well for those of you that don't know, our friend Terry is living with us for a little while. Terry is a friend from college (Tiffany's college, not mine). So, wanted to let everyone know so that no one would be concerned if they called my house and a guy answers the phone. Ha ha. Although it is funny, given that with the exception of Lucky, this was an all girl house, so now having a guy living here can/will be different. No biggie. Onwards and upwards. Took my second chemistry test. I totally rocked it of course, I love chemistry I think, I must be weird. Oh wait, we ALL already knew that. I get the test back tomorrow, so I will know for sure, but I am certain I did pretty well. I finally got my DVD's for the psych class and was supposed to do a lot of psych studying this weekend, so far that hasn't really happened. I have done biology reading instead and have been worried about the dog. She hasn't been acting quite like her usual self since she has been home, we may be taking her to the vet's. Poor thing. Busy week this week, second interview for the volunteer position, second interview at Laurie's hotel so that I can be a fill in person for them. Oh wait, I just realized, now that I will be a hotel employee that means I can get my own cheap hotel rooms,whenever I want. YES!!!! That is freaking exciting. Oh wait, and of course making more money would be good too. Ha ha. Terry was happy to be here from spokane, said how the depression rating index in spokane was 100 and coming here (for him) it was a zero. I said hey, just wait, I bet I can change that for you. Ha ha. I'm a funny girl. xoxo-Lacey