Monday, November 24, 2008

Eh,ugh, and argh.

Three days left at work (not including today). But hey, that’s totally fine, I already get to feel like a leper, which is super awesome if you ask me. The rest of my team has moved down to the other side of the building. So I’m sitting here on a big long trading desk, all by myself. What is that saying, no man is an island. Well I have news for them, I guess this chick for the next few days is an island. At least I’m not as big as one, ha ha ha, I’m so funny. I’m not having the best day, but lest anyone get any incorrect ideas, its just a bad day, nothing more, it too shall pass, as my mother always says. You see, in my selfish way about being me, I’m having some huge insecurity issues. It feels like I care about everyone way more than they care about me. Now I realize, this is likely not true, but does it make me FEEL any better, no, not really. You see, because I am ME, and I feel way too much for everyone. Even people I do not really know, I feel too much for them too. And lately, it feels like no matter what I do or what I say, it’s like I am not even here. Like I do not exist and people are pretending to listen to me (or not) but really I can see this vacant look in their face like hey, she’s talking again, we know its not important, we’ll just nod politely and move on. On top of this, why is it that I have to call people all the time to stay in touch, why is it that I have to email you all the time to stay in touch, why is it that we really only seem to do things when I am the one who tries to organize and/or arrange for it to happen? You see, I told you this would be a self indulgent rant and it is. Granted, I realize like I said before, that this is mostly me feeling sorry for myself, but it doesn’t matter. It’s the way I feel, and hell, it’s just the way I feel, nothing more to say about that. Lyrics: “Wish I could shut my playboy mouth. How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside out babe. Control your poison babe Roses with thorns they say. And we're all gettin' hosed tonight.”

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