Thursday, August 28, 2008

WARNING-Not necessarily peppy.

WARNING TO THE READER!!! this post may not necessarily be positive. given my recent history this should not give anyone a huge cause for concern, but it is MY blog dammit and i will post however i am feeling. i just got home from seeing death race with ray. it was a pretty decent movie, a little violent obviously but only a few gratuitous spots. at least it wasnt anything remotely related to my life (or pretty much anybody elses life that i know of) so it kept my mind off of STUFF. but of course this could not last forever. music. one word, shouldnt necessarily mean a lot, but it does to me. either of my nieces will tell you (or at least tease me if they are over the age of 11) that i know a lot of songs. we are not just talking some here people, i know a lot of random songs and can sing them all the time. i can pretty much come up with a song for any situation. tonight at dinner, ray was discussing how his race car doesnt have taillights (stickers as my nephew could tell you~hello Lightning McQueen), and i piped up with the country song about "showing me nothing but the taillights" which of course had trina rolling her eyes. so tonight after the movie when i had dropped ray off at his house, i listened to a few songs on the ipod, songs i most likely knew i should not have listened to, but wanted to. and of course because songs/music have the power to move me much more than i would like it to, by the time i had pulled into the garage i had started crying. great right. hello, clinically depressed, why listen to that music dork? i know thats what you are asking yourself, but i cant give you an answer, because trying to explain it is just beyond me right now. i pulled it together quickly and rallied, but let myself fall there for a few moments. then of course i decided to come online and blog, to update you all about my day (or the end of my day, the beginning of the next). i saw something online that just punched me in the gut, gave me that rock feeling in the pit of my stomach, the kind it feels like you can never get rid of. it wasn't necessarily news or something i didnt already know, but just seeing the reminder took my breath away. people seriously, trying to explain my emotions to anyone but a twin, its pretty much impossible. dont try to decipher me, you will just give yourself a headache. so now its off to bed, a little sadder than i was this morning (which i didnt think was possible~given the horrible dream i had). does anyone realize how long a fortnight truly is? ha ha.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I do and it is to long.