Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tuesday

Wow, today has gone by so fast! Let's see, I woke up, I got ready for work, I went to work, came home and have been playing with Devan and Lilly ever since. Devan is an excellent dog play friend (or I think of her as my dog sitter while I've been cleaning up and doing laundry, ha ha). Now it is towards the end of the day and we are sitting here watching Howl's Moving Castle (and Devan just finished her m&m mcflurry). Ha ha. I can't believe 2008 is almost at an end. It has been a very crazy, wild, traumatic, exciting, and sad year for me. I had my lap band surgery, I've lost 53 lbs since the beginning of the year, and that makes me very happy. I quit one job, started a new one, and decided to go back to school. We purchased new cars. My sister had a baby. I got a puppy. I made a best friend and possibly lost one all at the same time. I learned a lot about myself, and about the people in my life, only to discover that I still haven't learned enough. Okay, so on a side note here, Devan is my new best friend. She has the puppy sleeping in bed with her right now, so I am puppy free, at least for a little while...Haha. Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am excited for the new year and what it may bring. I hope it brings all of you that I love much happiness and joy too. xoxo-LC

Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday means Nothing

It's monday. Usually when I used to work mon-friday that would mean something, but now that I work random days and times, it doesn't really mean too much. Although since classes start next week, I am sure I will get the monday feeling back again. Lucky me! Haha. I took Lilly to the vet today. Vet says she is completely healthy, yeah good news. I did confirm though that she has an umbilical hernia. I read online and the vet confirmed that they will fix this when we get her spayed. She also told me that Lilly's hernia isn't one that would likely affect her if she were in the wild and it was never fixed. So that is great news too. Other than that, I haven't done much. Kerry was nice enough to stay up this morning with the puppy so that I could go back to sleep, I was very tired and was not feeling well. Thankfully those extra few hours of sleep made me feel a lot better. Okay, lucky for all of you, its a short post today. Lyrics of the day: "Cause you're like a new key, made with the wrong cut, Stuck tryin' to break into my home, You're like a bottle sent with a message, But you're sinkin' like a stone. If I had your name, I'd be changin' it right now" LC

Sunday, December 28, 2008

It's an LC Update

okay everyone. first off, merry christmas to everyone i didn't talk to over the holidays. i hope you had an enjoyable holiday doing whatever it is that you spent time doing. i spent xmas eve at my sisters house and xmas day with the hicks family. it was an understated christmas for me, but it is always nice to spend time with my families. this was my first christmas where i was not able to spend money on everyone the way that i wanted to. it was a lot harder than i thought it would be. we've done well for ourselves, but now with me going back to school, money is not as free flowing as it used to be, and not being able to buy anything i wanted for whomever i wanted, well you guys know me, it was a hard thing for me to deal with. i came home one night, crying, from the store because i don't know what to buy for people and how not to buy for them when i want to. it was hard hard hard for me to deal with. for those of you who don't know, we got a dog on friday. she is a boxer pit terrier mix and is approximately 8 weeks old. we named her lilly. she is adorable! of course the potty training stage totally sucks, but so far i think i am a good mommy. she is laying next to me right now while i am typing, snoring, and i think farting...awesome! ha ha. i completely cleaned the carpets last night and so far they are doing great. ha ha. but yes, puppy obedience classes are next on the list, i want a well behaved doggy. i worked at starbucks again today too. that was awesome. my mom watched the dog so i had some puppy free time, and i was able to go in there and completely concentrate and kick ass. one of the girls i was working with, she leaves next week for africa, she is so excited. i can't wait until she gets to go, she is soo excited. so its great the schedules they keep setting me up for, however when you have so many days between shifts, especially as the new person, sometimes it feels like i'm re-learning stuff every single time. i guess hey, good news, keeps my mind busy! xoxo-LC

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Stir Crazy

okay everyone, we all know i'm mentally fun anyway, but hello, a few days stuck in this house will make me freaking have massive cabin fever. i've cleaned the bathroom, mopped the floors, baked cookies, vaccuumed the couch (don't ask), vaccuumed the floors and am now sitting here typing on the computer and twitching my legs at the same time. i've signed myself up for the referee clinic that is now happening towards the end of january. i am rather bummed that it was canceled this weekend because of the weather. but hello, can't blame them, i wouldn't want to be playing soccer in this weather, let alone refereeing. ha ha. so funny story of the day. LuLu thought she would be tricky and when I opened the back door to throw out the mop water, she jumped from the door straight into 10 inches of snow and just stopped dead still. she turned and gave me THE LOOK, as if to say, what the fuck do i do now?!? ha ha. i was trying to hard not to laugh my ass off at her (she gets very sensitive that way). go figure, she's my cat. i only work at starbucks two days this week, tuesday and sunday the 28th (or whatever day the 28th is). i'm hoping they call me in for more shifts as i'd rather work there then drive my ass up to bellevue, but i will do that too if i have to. oooh i just realized, i get tips on monday, that is awesome. okay so it won't be a ton of money, but i am sure it will be better than the 7 bucks i got last week for my first set of tips. alright, its getting late and i'm waiting for kerry to get home. hopefully shes driving safe. and hello, i need someone to talk to and want to snuggle up next to her. *Sigh*

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A day for emotional dramas (not my own)

So today I watched sisterhood of the traveling pants 2. Actually, since I am now watching it again with kerry, that will mean i have watched it twice. Is it wrong to identify with so many different pieces of different characters in a movie based on a book basically I think for teens?!? ha ha. Maybe that's my problem. I never aged much past 16 did I? maybe that's why the greek guy in this movie reminds me of jeremy stockdale. isn't that weird? he doesn't really look like him per se, but something in the way he moves, in the way he holds himself, it reminds me of the jeremy of my 9th grade memories (not necessarily the big buff one that exists now). Ha ha. kerry and i went out for a walk in the snow tonight. it's gorgeous out, it really makes me wish i was up on the mountain skiing or snowboarding, but since its not really safe to drive...i don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. so the weather is all crazy today, i hope everyone is surviving it well. xoxo-LC

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday's Ramblings

Well, its been an interesting week hasn't it? How is everyone enjoying the weather, staying in with the snow, sticking in front of your fireplaces with some hot cocoa?!? Well let's see, I have a sinus infection, that pretty much sucks. But hey, I get them so frequently it isn't really that surprising. I worked at Starbucks today. I wasn't originally scheduled to work, but one of our girls can't drive in the snow so hey, I was game for going into work. Kerry and I couldn't get home last night. There was a jack knifed semi on 167 that was blocking both lanes of traffic in both directions. We ended up staying at my sister's house for the evening. That was good for me since they have a tempurpedic bed and I got to spend extra time with Peep. She loves her Auntie Meems that is for sure. She slept in my arms for 3 1/2 hours last night. Then this morning, she hung out with me and we played with some of her new toys. She's getting big so quick, it's beautiful. I got my car back yesterday. I think it looks like it turned out all okay and looking normal again. Although my bad, I forgot my garage door opener in the rental car. That sucks!! They of course had rented the same car out again today, so I have to wait until Monday to see if my opener is in there. If not, we have to get a new one. LAME!! I am two chapters into my psychology book. Only...I have no idea how many more to go. SIGH! School starts on January 5th. I am nervous as well as excited. I am scared to see how my grades go and trying to get accepted into nursing school. Have you ever felt that need to be doing something worthwhile, something that fulfills you in more ways than just a paycheck? I am hoping that nursing will be that job for me. Fingers crossed, right?!?! Happy Holidays. Oh, my referee clinic was canceled due to weather. That sucked. Lyrics: "And I'd give up forever to touch you, Cause I know that you feel me somehow, You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, And I don't want to go home right now " xoxo-lacey

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Babies, Cookies & Sprinkles

Okay so it sounds like a fairy tale posting doesn't it? Ha ha. Last night I had dinner, drinks and games with the boys and Carlos's mom, and hello holy hell I got trashed. And it was snowing, that is always fun. I really wish we would have a white christmas. Not that I'm feeling much into the christmas spirit, but yeah, thats normal for me isn't it. Do I ever get into the christmas spirit? So I slept in today, didn't get up until 1030 or so. Hung around for a bit, cleaned house and then Laurie brought Frances over to hang out with her auntie meems so that Laurie could take care of some necessary errands around the house. So Peep hung out here with me for several hours before I drove her home. Now I am home making cookies for Kerry to take into work. So, this will be my first official week at Starbucks where I am no longer in training. That means I am earning tips, yeah!! Okay let's hope for lots of tips people. Oh and then this weekend its finally my soccer referee clinic, so I will be able to start refereeing games to pick up some extra money as well. So on another note, my mom might be getting me a dog for christmas. You'll all be thrilled to hear, it might be a pucky 2!! For those of you who don't know what a pucky is....well I am not going to telll you. But let me just say this, KJ in Alaska....it's a pucky male version. YEAH!!! Fawn colored, fingers crossed. Song Lyrics for today: "Day one day one start over again,Step one step one,I'm barely making sense, for nowI'm faking it 'til I'm pseudo making it,From scratch begin again but this time I as i, And not as we"

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Long time no blog, oh wait have I used that before?

I probably have, but you know, you're all just going to have to deal with re-reading it again. So tomorrow will make two full weeks at Starbucks. I am happy to tell everyone that I like it as much now as I did then, so I will consider that a very good thing. It is soo nice to have a job where I am moving around, where my brain is kept busy (so it cannot wander out on its own), and where I get free caffeinated drinks. I mean hello, as a starving soon to be college student (okay really it sounds weird to even call myself that again), I need to get food and/or drinks where I can. So if you're making dinner at your house and you make too much, feel free to give me a call and invite me over, okay? I don't eat much (hello, lapband people), so not like I'll cost you any extra pennies. Okay, that's enough for the broke student plug. Today was an exciting day. I woke up at 4:15 (what the f*ck, who gets up that early) to be at work by 5am. I worked from 5a-9am, which is cool, because I was home just after when Kerry had woke up. Of course I was tons of excitement, I went back to bed. I wasn't sure I would be able to but really, honestly, we all know that I like to sleep. I can pretty much do that when I want to. So after I got back up, I watched Law and Order SVU, played around online and then went to a movie with Ray. We went to see Zack and Miri make a porno (which by the way was hilarious). Okay Ray, I totally have to call you out here. Now everyone who reads this blog knows that I am...um....sexually explicit to say the least. So Ray leans over during the movie and says, "do you totally have a hard on right now?" so I look at him straight faced and said hello I don't have a penis. He says, well if you did you'd be totally turned on wouldn't you. I said well duh, of course I would. Yeah, it wasn't that type of sexy movie, but there ARE a lot of sex scenes in it, hello?/!?!? Okay it was funny, you had to be there. So now I'm home, just made some dinner, and am watching Law and Order (regular version) the 2nd episode in a row, and I've just opened a bottle of wine. I'm thinking of heading up, taking a bath, and reading my book (Punk Like Me). It sounds like a good plan right? You see now that I'm home, and not doing much, my damn head won't shut the hell up. UGH! But I bet it will soon... xoxo-LC

Friday, December 05, 2008

Day Four

Well four days in a row at Starbucks, so far they are going great. I love being in a job that keeps me busy, keeps my focus, keeps my interest and so far is actually fun. I do have some brain freezes that keep happening where I think it totally makes everything stop. I know how to make some drinks but then as soon as there more than 2 backed up on the bar, I suddenly forget everything. It's really bizarre, although Tiffany did laugh when I shared this information with her. So here I sit at home on a Friday night watching private practice and checking email and blogging. My life is super exciting, I know you are all very jealous that you are not me. I wish I had many fantastic things to tell you all about. But a lot of what is going on with me right now, really its going on in my head and in my heart. Would that I could get you all to understand that so I didn't have to blog about it and hope that people would understand. But hey, isn't that why we are all different, variety is the spice of life, and all of that other stuff they tell us. Another thing I think about is how we are all different "people" depending on the situations that we find ourselves in. Around our parents we act one way, always as child to parent, reverting into old habits that perhaps we never do anymore. With our friends we are one way than we are with casual acquaintances or people we might not know very well. I thought it would be like that working in retail again, but its different here. I work with generally happy people (who happen to be well caffeinated) and it makes me happy. I get worried and freaked out about how I am doing, but I think it makes me happier. But related to this issue, I look at how I treat people in my life and I see how they let others treat them and I wonder, why, why would they do that? why would they not want to be treated the best way possible as they deserve. And then I think, oh god, Kerry thinks that about me all the time. I know, I don't make any sense, don't even try. Lyrics today: "If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what's next, I'd make you believe, I'd make you forget" xoxo-LC

Monday, December 01, 2008

It's December!

It's a new month. I should take that as a sign to turn over a new leaf, live a new life, start a new beginning...right? Wrong, I am still me. All my grand expectations, so far they are not coming to fruition, but hopefully soon they might. One day all my dreams will come true, right?!? Okay well a girl can dream so don't burst my bubble quite yet. I met with the pre-nursing advisor today. So far looks like I will have Chemistry, Biology and Nutrition. All the psychology classes I wanted to get into were full, so that sucks. But oh well, I can try for it next quarter when I'm not a brand new student. Oh and I am having to take 2 of the 3 classes at Ft. Steilacom which wasn't part of the plans, but hey, roll with the punches, right?!? I spent some time with Laurie and Peep today. I got to help give her a bath. It was fun of course, she's so dang beautiful I love it. Just holding her and humming/singing to her to get her to sleep relaxes me. Makes me feel loved and important to someone, even for a brief period of time and even if I don't feel like that from anyone else in the world at the moment. She looks up at me with those big baby blues and I feel like a hero. Hey it's a small victory people. So tomorrow, registration at 8am and then Starbucks from 9-1. My first day. I am excited, hoping to make a good first impression. So keep your fingers crossed for me. Lyrics today: "Hold me and love me,Just want touch you for a minute,Baby three seconds is enough for my heart to quit"

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Six Days

Well it's been six days since I left the old job behind, and I can't really say that I am sorry. You would think I would have all this time to sit at home and do nothing, but in reality I have not. Thanksgiving dinner was yummy and I am glad to have spent time with some of our friends and family,although obviously everyone wasn't here because of course they have their own families to visit. Sometimes I seriously think blood family is overrated, but of course that's just my own opinion. I worked black friday at TSA in Bellevue. Oh my god, 12 hours on the concrete was simply too much for me. Add that to the fact that I am pretty sure I was still drunk when I went to work at 4am (hello I apparently drank almost two bottles of wine on my own, why didn't anyone tell me)?!? So I didn't eat much that day or the next when I worked for another 7 hours. Took Devan to see Bolt on Saturday night, it was cute, but of course its about animals, which really tend to be so much simpler than humans its hard for them to not be cute. Today, a 3 year olds birthday party, then visiting with the hicks, then I was home, napping, then kendra/trina stopped by VERY briefly (dropped off our xmas wreath) and then it was me mixing margaritas to drink while I surf the net, update some stuff on facebook and myspace and send some emails. Yes an exciting life I have. Tomorrow I meet with my academic advisor and take Kerry's car in for some maintenance work. Tuesday I register for classes and start my first day at Starbucks, exciting!! xoxo LC

Monday, November 24, 2008

Eh,ugh, and argh.

Three days left at work (not including today). But hey, that’s totally fine, I already get to feel like a leper, which is super awesome if you ask me. The rest of my team has moved down to the other side of the building. So I’m sitting here on a big long trading desk, all by myself. What is that saying, no man is an island. Well I have news for them, I guess this chick for the next few days is an island. At least I’m not as big as one, ha ha ha, I’m so funny. I’m not having the best day, but lest anyone get any incorrect ideas, its just a bad day, nothing more, it too shall pass, as my mother always says. You see, in my selfish way about being me, I’m having some huge insecurity issues. It feels like I care about everyone way more than they care about me. Now I realize, this is likely not true, but does it make me FEEL any better, no, not really. You see, because I am ME, and I feel way too much for everyone. Even people I do not really know, I feel too much for them too. And lately, it feels like no matter what I do or what I say, it’s like I am not even here. Like I do not exist and people are pretending to listen to me (or not) but really I can see this vacant look in their face like hey, she’s talking again, we know its not important, we’ll just nod politely and move on. On top of this, why is it that I have to call people all the time to stay in touch, why is it that I have to email you all the time to stay in touch, why is it that we really only seem to do things when I am the one who tries to organize and/or arrange for it to happen? You see, I told you this would be a self indulgent rant and it is. Granted, I realize like I said before, that this is mostly me feeling sorry for myself, but it doesn’t matter. It’s the way I feel, and hell, it’s just the way I feel, nothing more to say about that. Lyrics: “Wish I could shut my playboy mouth. How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside out babe. Control your poison babe Roses with thorns they say. And we're all gettin' hosed tonight.”

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My record Keeps skipping.

Soooo I thought my week, yesterday, was getting better briefly. Yeah, not so much. Although I did spend part of my evening with Peep (which of course was wonderful, especially dancing around the living room with her while “Baby it’s cold outside” was playing on the computer, but anyway). So after babysitting, my sister took me back to Puyallup to get my car. Walk up and whoa, there is a police officer’s business card sitting on my drivers side window. At first I’m confused, until my super smart sister figures out that there is a note on the back of the card. It says, please call me at this #, your vehicle was struck and I need your information for the report. What the FUCK!?!? Sure enough, yes, there is indeed a mark on the front drivers side of my car, and the seam is a little uneven now, which means being the anal retentive person I am about my car, I will have to get this fixed. Hopefully the police officer’s card means that they have information about the other driver, fingers crossed. I guess the positive side to this story is that I was not in the car, thank god. I don’t want to go through another car accident. But I am fairly certain this week is me being paid for things I’ve done to increase my bad karma, I think I know a few things specifically. SIGH. Bad girl. So another thing that has been on my mind lately. School, job, money, surviving on one paycheck with my limited part time money coming in, that sort of thing. Yeah, I am excited to be making this change in my life, more than I can ever explain to all of you, but am worried about it at the same time. Kerry won’t be shocked when I admit this, but I really don’t love change so much. Oh don’t get me wrong, I love to do different things, as in not doing one task at a time but having my attention deficit disorder type way of doing them, but really, don’t move my cheese without warning as it will make me loopy crazy. Or more loopy crazy than normal anyway. And the holidays coming up, yeah good times, because nothing adds to your depression like all sorts of people who LOVE the holidays when you don’t really. I used to love them, mostly cause I loved the food. I don’t have that experience anymore. Although I still do like them for the fact that I love to see the kids get so excited about them. Ha ha. Lyrics: “Like Johnny and June, More than life itself, No-one else, This endless promise, They don't make love like that anymore, Is that too much to be askin' for,”

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Another Day, Another Dollar

Okay, so lest I worry anyone else, like I apparently did Tiffany (who called to check on me last night) but not Ray (who commented that my post was nice and short), I wanted to tell you all that I am doing just fine. It’s that time of the month (yeah to be a woman) and work with the layoffs and my own impending last day, plus just yeah, more than I can explain, has made for a rough couple of days. But never fear, I am okay, this is not me slipping into the black hole that means I will require babysitters again, okay people?!? But thank you for caring about me, cause that means a lot. So soccer last night, we lost, but I played the 2nd half like a fricking rockstar. I’m glad that I won’t be playing with this team anymore though. Which sucks to say that because it’s the lesbian team, but seriously some of the people on this team, yeah, they frustrate me to no f*cking degree. I had two moves I was super proud of. The other teams fastest girl, named Brit, yeah I kept up with her and managed to keep her from scoring or shooting, so she had to pass away, go me!! And secondly, on a corner kick, ball came right to me, and I headed that mother f**ker like a pro. Of course it hit the wrong part of my head and made me a bit dizzy, but hey, I didn’t need those brain cells anyway, right? So today, training with my main man Brent. Only a few more of those left too, which is a bummer because that means I will have to motivate myself to go to the gym. Which we all know I am so NOT GREAT at. I used to be more of a gym rat, but soccer has got me out of the gym and then its all I want to do. Hello, one tracked mind over here…oh wait, its not on that track though it’s on the “good” track, wink wink. Okay nevermind, inside joke, between me and…..myself. Huh. Go figure. Soccer tomorrow night at 845 at Twin Ponds, then again on Friday night (no idea time and place on that one off the top of my head). So, exciting evening for me tonight, I might visit Peep, might not. Might just go home, have more wine, a soak in the tub, and night night early for me (since I got home around 1130 last night). Lyrics: “If you think you need to go, If you wanted to be free, There’s just one thing you need to know, And that’s that you can’t count on me.” xoxo

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Blah

I want to write to everyone, I feel like I have a lot to say. But I find I have nothing positive or nice to write. So I'll spare everyone. And won't.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Two, One Day

yes i am going to post twice in one day. so i took my friend sonya home today after she was let go. pretty much a rotten day, i wonder what it will be like when i am at work these next few days. thank god not much time to go now. went in for a fill today. i was officially down 9.3 lbs in one month according to the doctors scale. small victory for me when the doctor says, oh you should be down about 50-60 lbs by now. well yeah, of course i fucking should, but we just found out that the bands you put in us after they were "modified" by the manufacturer apparently have a problem. gee, go figure. i'm sure its all my fault, that's why some of my fluid is gone every time i go in for a fill. whatever. so i felt like crap today, i decided to go visit Peep. she was apparently a pill for her mom today, but she was good for her dad and auntie meems. i even got to hold her for a few hours. usually she makes me feel so calm and relaxed. today i think, just too many emotions. oh well, i guess its that time of the month or some shit. i'm going to drink my wine and take a bath. peace out f*c*ers. ha ha. yeah its that kind of day.

Good, but then, BAD

My day started off pretty well today, got up, got ready, got my jamba juice with 3g charger (pure crack, I love it) and drove in to work. Got here by 8:40am (not bad) and am already doing work. Good day so far. Then my favorite guy here, Cameron (my big aussie brother), he comes down this way, and gives me the peace out handshake that we do and tells me he’s out. I look at him just shocked, and couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything. So then my brain started working and I hopped up and went out with him. Yes, he got laid off. An executive memo came out yesterday indicating that they’re going to be letting go of some staff, and because he was paid pretty well and more people here do the job like his, he was one of the first here in our office to go. I am so sad, so so sad, I love this guy, he’s truly like my big brother. So, we’re going to go out with him and his wife this Saturday. I told him it wasn’t an option that as long as they didn’t have plans we are totally going out and getting DRUNK. So yes, that is happening, and its not fun news but it is what is going on right now so I have to blog about it. So yes, was in a good mood, now kind of sad, but not in a depressed way. I love you Cameron!! So on a positive note, I will soon become a starbucks barista. I am sooo excited about this. One more thing falling into place before I start school, which is excellent news. I start working on December 2nd. So for any of you that are in Puyallup at some point, I will be at the store by Fred Meyer’s on 176th & Meridian. Ha ha. Oh yeah, but maybe wait a few weeks so I can actually make your drink correctly and be not so overwhelmed, as Tiffany tells me I will be. In addition to that, I register for classes that day as well, so that will be a very hectic but peacefully exciting day for me. Hey, that means I will have December 1st off, anyone have any plans!?!? Oh wait, you’re all still working, lame…. Lyrics today: “I need your patience and guidance, And all your lovin' and more, When thunder rolls through my life, Will you be able to weather the storm?”

Friday, November 14, 2008

PANIC (not at the disco)

Okay, so last night ended up being a very long night, poor me and even poorer for Kerry because she had to get up earlier than I did. I’m sorry honey! Okay so, we won our soccer game, awesome, 6-2, and I was hustling my ass off. I even had several of the team members telling me how much faster I am running these days, which is cool. So if you saw me play before, I guess you should come see me now, Wambach here I come (someday, if only). Okay so after soccer, 4 of the girls and I went to the Celtic Bayou to celebrate a birthday and of course we like having an excuse to drink, so that was all good. Marcey had to get up the earliest out of us, but I have to drive the farthest, either way we are all tired today that is for sure. Of course, me being me, I also ran out of gas on the way home so I had to stop in Kent for gas, which meant that I got home and hopped into bed around 1 o’clock in the morning. And this would be when the fun times happened. I took my nighttime pill like I always do (the one that helps me pass out w/in a half hour of going to bed and makes my mind stop going going going going….you get the idea). So I’m laying in bed and I’m freezing (hello just played soccer in like 40 degree weather and it was COLD). I’m laying there cuddled up next to Kerry, trying to steal her heat and eventually covering my head with blankets because I’m so cold. I hadn’t actually fallen asleep when I heart a loud noise downstairs. I looked up over the covers, but didn’t see anything, settled back into bed. Well then I hear footsteps on the stairs and I swear someone is in our room. My heart is beating so hard I feel like it will wake Kerry up, I grip her tighter not wanting her to wake up. Hoping that whoever is in there will leave if we don’t wake up. Then I hear steps in our room over to my dresser, and I hear (I swear to god) my jewelry box opening and someone rifling around in it. I am frozen with fear, I cannot move, I continue to listen to this noise, praying they will take whatever they want and just leave us. I wait for what must be at least 10 minutes and finally it sounds like the person is gone. I move around a bit on the bed, trying to see if they will do something if they are still there, trying to figure out if I could still hear them (and when they were in the room it felt like I could hear them breathing). When I finally peek, no one is there. I get up quickly, run to our door (which has no lock) and slam it shut and turn on the lights immediately waking Kerry up. I tell her someone is in the house that something is going on, and I’m crying and hyperventilating. My hands bracing the door, she comes to me and is holding onto me, trying to peel my hands back from the door but I can’t let go. Finally she convinces me to take the phone in the bathroom and lock myself in there while she goes to look (yes I realize its ridiculous that the 5’4” girl has to go check the house while the stronger 5’11” chick hides in the bathroom, but leave me alone). So she comes back upstairs and tells me nothing is out of place and its okay. It then takes her 15 minutes to get me calmed back down enough to go to sleep. That’s right folks, I think last night was my first full blown panic attack. PANIC ATTACK. Seriously it was very real, and even thinking about it now makes me want to hyperventilate a little bit. What was it, maybe a ghost come to visit me in the night to make its presence known. Maybe something was cluing into my thoughts about hoping for a visitor, who knows. Either way, yeah it was freaky. So unrelated, but from my drive home last night, the lyrics: “You used to captivate me, By your resonating light, Now I'm bound by the life you left behind, Your face it haunts, My once pleasant dreams, Your voice it chased away, All the sanity in me” xoxo

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Not Working

i am happy to tell everyone, i am not working today, i love it. awww if i was just independently wealthy it would be the best thing ever. wow, its only 10:30 this morning and i have already got a lot of stuff completed. i took my math placement test and placed out of what i needed to place out of. so that is great. i went over and gave my results to my nursing advisor and she was excited for me. i meet with her again on december 1st, and then i register on december 2nd. i am so excited. i then decided to go in to evaluations to make sure that i they had received my official transcripts, which they did, so now i filled out an official request to have those evaluated. then i checked in with financial aid and apparently they sent me a letter in october (never got it) and my due date was by november 4th, so yeah that didn't happen. but i filled out the form i needed and can still get my loan, it will just come in after the quarter starts. guess its a good thing i got that private loan in place. so i also had a call back from starbucks and liz wants me to come in on saturday for a 2nd interview. i was worried about this a lot, but talked to tiffany and she thinks that liz likely wants me to come in ask me one or two more questions and then have me fill out paperwork. lets all cross our fingers that that is what it really is, because i'd like to have part time job situation taken care of. moving onward and upward, a new section of my life about to begin. i am really happy that i get the opportunity at 30 to change careers and do something new. oh, i keep having anxiety dreams about missing classes and tests, but it is okay, i know that means it is just really important to me. so, dentist appointment today too, yeah woohoo. not...then likely dinner before heading to soccer. yeah soccer game, oh and yesterday was sarah's birthday so that means drinks for me jessa and sarah. that's even better. no lyrics today, haven't listened to music yet today. i know you are all really bummed. xoxo

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Today is Eight

The magic number today is 8! No, I have 9 days left at BR, but the magic number today is still 8, why you may ask? Well that’s how many lbs I have lost since my last fill. I am so happy about that, let me tell you. 8 down, xx to go. (Yeah like I’m going to post that on here). Ha ha. So yesterday, busy and exciting day. I had my interview with Starbucks in the morning. I think it went really well, so fingers crossed that I get hired everyone. I really liked the manager and she seems like she would be cool to work for. She said she needs someone at nights and how do I feel about that….hello, insomniac here, late nights work just fine for me! Better than early AM’s anyway. So she said she’d let me know in the next couple days. It was my 2 year anniversary yesterday also. It was a good day, although we are not celebrating until Saturday. Kerry had a WALK yesterday (yes all caps means important) and we had a “thanksgiving” dinner at my sisters house, so it wasn’t really a romantical day per se. I did surprise her at work though with a dozen red roses, which were completely unexpected. She liked them and said they smelled great. So we did our dinner at my sister’s house, had Tiff and the kids there with us too and it was good. It was not formal by any means, but we had ham, mashed potatoes, and tiffany made a salad. It was tasty (well what little of it I could get down anyway). Oh and I made pecan pie, and my mom also brought a pumpkin turtle pie which was tasty as well. After that, I got to spend some time holding Peep and trying to keep her calm and relaxed, but I also got to feed her a bottle and changed a poopy diaper. YEAH ME! Next on deck, today is my going away lunch (yes early I know, don’t ask). I’ve also got my desk mostly cleaned up and cleaned out. It’s kind of sad, but not as sad as you would expect. I guess that means it really is a good time for me to move on. School debt here I come. But hey, I will be a sexy fricking nurse in no time, despite everyone’s qualms about my squeamish stomach. I will prevail! Lyrics today: “I sat on the mountainside with peace of mind, I lay by the ocean making love to her with visions clear, Walked for days with no one near, And I return as chained and bound to you” xoxo

Monday, November 10, 2008

I get tired of making up titles.

My tummy hurts. I blame Peep. I visited her yesterday, she was an inconsolable baby, we believe because she had an upset stomach for most of the day. So, not really her fault, but I’m going to say I “caught” her upset tummy from her and its now affecting me. And not in a good way. Go figure. Although, I am very awake today, which is awesome. I guess that’s what the 3G charger in my morning jamba juice will do for me. YEAH JJ, my favorite. So, not counting today, I have 11 more days left of work. I am doing drone work now and am completely okay with that. It’s about what I have the capacity for from here at this point anyway, so although its incredibly boring, and I’m getting paid a lot of money to do data entry, I am really not going to complain. I had my nephew this weekend. He’s in the midst of potty training, and it is going pretty well I must say (kudos to Tiffany). We took him to see Madagascar, along with my 12 year old niece Trina, and we had a good time. Niko even sat through the movie pretty well, which lets face it, is impressive for a 3 year old. Other than that, my weekend wasn’t very exciting. And hey, that is not necessarily a bad thing, so I’m not complaining. Busy week this week. I think Michelle might come down tonight and I’m making dinner, everyone is invited, it’s meatloaf and mashed potatoes and likely will be a late dinner, so that might change your mind about coming. Ha ha. I’m also going to make oatmeal cookies, yummy (although my tummy doesn’t agree right now). Tomorrow night, it’s “thanksgiving” dinner at my sisters. Wednesday I found out is one of my soccer girls birthdays so I’m trying to see about taking her to dinner. Thursday and Friday it’s soccer. Saturday it’s Kerry’s day off and we’re celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary (which is actually tomorrow, veterans day), so it will be a fun weekend I am sure! Lyrics today: “Thinking of those memories, How your touch was so soft, Your eyes, they were so green, I would have never known how much, You'd come to mean everything to me” Hugs and kisses to all.

Friday, November 07, 2008

TGIF, for f*@ks sake.

Let’s face it everyone, being sick sucks. Being me and being sick, well that is just about 10x worse. Imagine yourself having to put up with me, but even more moody, even more whiney, yeah it’s not a pretty sight. God bless all of you saints who love me and deal with me on a regular basis. God bless the cold medicine industry, even if the medicine I am taking today does make me somewhat queasy, at least my nose isn’t running, right? It’s Friday, yeah, and that means I only have 12 more days left of work. I think that is pretty awesome. Although no more sick or vacation time left (aside from the 13th which I had already taken off). I am not too worried about this as I wasn’t expecting a big payout anyway. But I did happen to be sick in the middle of our software testing project so I was pulled off of that as the lead, awesome. Which means I get to do busy work and data entry for the next 12 days. As mind numbing as that may be, I am totally fine with that. Woohoo. So, I officially have my interview with Starbucks on Tuesday morning. Fingers crossed everyone that I can get through that just fine and they want to hire me. I think Kerry is getting pretty desperate and might sell my body on the streets to make sure I can pay for college, so if you know any takers….just kidding! Oh yeah, and I am signed up for the referee clinic on 12/19-12/21 which means I will have my referee credentials and can supplement when I need extra money by refereeing some games. This is likely how I will pay for my own playing in soccer too. Ha ha. So weekend plans anyone? I have Devan’s soccer game tomorrow, beyond that it’s all a fuzzy outline right now. I’m trying to convince Tiff to go with me and lets take the kids to see a movie, so we’ll see if that happens. Oh, I want to go visit Peep too, but am waiting until I’m done being sick. Oh yeah, more props to Michelle for actually commenting on my blog, way to go again michelle. Today’s song: “Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes, Come on and come to me now, Dont be ashamed to cry, Let me see you through, cause I've seen the dark side too, When the night falls on you, You dont know what to do, Nothing you confess, Could make me love you less, I’ll stand by you”

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

It's a Wednesday, bah!

okay so i am home sick today, but i actually get to post in the blogger box which means we are back to no punctuation marks and horrible grammar. yeah me! okay well some punctuation marks i guess. whatever, just dont critique this post, alright. so i am not dying sick, lest anyone be alarmed. i woke up today with my normal case of first of the winter season sinus/cold issues. not the first one ive ever had and i am most definitely sure it will not be my last. oh well, whats a girl to do right? i know, go fill out an application at starbucks so she can get a part time job. do laundry. clean the house. play wii. i guess as a sick person i can keep myself pretty busy. unlike at work. work is deathly slow. like as in, i want to shove a pencil through my eyeball just to increase the excitement of the day. my work has mostly all been transitioned off now, so i have been trying to keep myself busy with busy work (haha what an oxymoron or something) and this software testing, which really i am not the best person for. it's for the program replacing our background checks repository and as some of you know, i havent been doing actual check work in sometime, so i feel somewhat (okay a lot) disassociated from this program altogether. but hey i am a technical geek and tracking bugs i am good at, so thats what i will do. when i go back tomorrow there are only what 13 or 12 more days of work. i think i can i think i can....chugga chugga choo choo. sorry random moment. wow my brain must be otherwise occupied as i am literally trying to grasp at things to write. i am wearing brown pants and a pink shirt, dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me. okay lyrics: "I'm under your spell, How else could it be, Anyone would notice me? It's magic, I can tell, How you've set me free, Brought me out so easily " Oh and bonus points to michelle for telling me the song that yesterdays lyrics went to. go chelle!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Heeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeee's ME!

My 101st post, I can hardly believe it. I don’t think when I started this blog that I imagined I would keep writing in it for so long. Although I’ve come to discover that it is more fun to type in a blog and have all of you lovelies out there read it than it is to write in a diary and just keep it to myself. Of course maybe I have a secret blog that you don’t know about where I keep the really juicy stuff! Ha ha. Yeah right, like I don’t share the juicy good bits, even when you don’t want to hear them. 15 more days left at work. I got here a bit late today, given that I had missed the train, my bad. I’m working on software testing as well as biographies (data entry). I like mind numbing work at this point that I don’t really have to think about. So election day today. Yeah! Also one week until my 2 year wedding anniversary. It’s the cotton anniversary, did you know? I got cotton roses delivered at work on Friday, they are very cute. I took them home though since I’m not keeping anything personal here at work unless I need to use it on a daily basis. Aww music. It’s hard to not listen to it since it’s pretty much the pulse that beats within my heart. But at the same time, sometimes I just want to throw my ipod/radio/etc right out the window until it crashes into a thousand jagged little pieces. And on that note, your lyrics for today, brought to you from my ipod (although I’ll never tell which soundtrack its from). “I touch the fire and it freezes me, I look into it and its black. Why can’t I feel, my skin should crack and peel, I want the fire back….This isn’t real, but I just want to feel, where do we go from here?”

Monday, November 03, 2008

23 days and counting...

I can’t believe that I only have 23 days left until my last day at work. It seems like I have been here forever, and really in my world I really have. I mean this is the longest I’ve been at any job, which should be a testament to the fact that I have really enjoyed working here. Up until the last 9 months or so of course, but that is another story. Great weekend this weekend, Friday night I spent with Peep and my sister, handing out candy to trick or treaters (so cute). Oh I should clarify, I didn’t hand out the candy, I sat on the couch, holding peep, letting myself be soothed by the wonderfulness that is a sleeping cute baby. I of course also got to feed her, and didn’t have to change a poopy diaper, so hey, that is even better. Saturday I finally got to sleep in before heading to Devan’s soccer game, hanging with the Hicks briefly, then going to my own soccer game where we kicked ass! Although seriously, was driving around in Will’s car (long story there too) and he has no heater, and good god I didn’t realize how cold it gets without a heater. Although it was nice to be sitting up higher for a bit, even if I did have to think about slowing down before taking corners due to a higher rollover risk. Ha ha. Came home, had the Hahn’s over for dinner (where I made an awesome meatloaf and mashed potatos) and then of course headed to bed late to sleep in the next morning too. I didn’t feel so great on Sunday (gee maybe the Patron had something to do with it), so hung around the house until I went to my soccer game at 7pm, where once again my team kicked ass! Came home, cleaned dishes, packed the gym bag, took a bath, then off to bed again. So I could come to work again Monday morning…did I mention I only have 23 days left until I’m done here (or technically speaking that’s 17 working days, of which I will probably take 2 off for school/dentist stuff. Downloaded some new music too, Pink’s new album (Funhouse) which is great and Lady GaGa (don’t ask) which is pretty upbeat, so I like both of those. I think these next few weeks are going to fly by (but not at work, cause it’s slow here and seriously I’m stretching myself just to find work). Lyrics: “No I don’t believe you, when you say don’t come around here no more. I won’t remind you, you said we wouldn’t be apart, No I don’t believe you, when you say you don’t need me anymore, so don’t pretend to not love me at all” xoxo OH YEAH, THIS IS MY 100TH BLOG POST, GO ME, GO ME!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

NOTICE!!

Well I’ve gone and done it everybody. I finally gave notice at work. I know some of you got that information in an email, but whatever, you have to see it here now too. Poor you! Ha ha. My last day will be November 26th, and I am happy that I will not have to worry about this job around the holidays anyway. I mean I’ll have other worries, of course, but at least it won’t be about a job I no longer care about. Go me. So blue barbell in today, I got a flexible one that has a little bit of give to it. Took the soccer ball out last night as the flat part on top was bugging my mouth a bit too much. Plus Kerry told me I was talking funny, which I hardly think would be great while I am doing interviews for my new part time job. Speaking of which, I know Tiffany is hooking me up by talking to someone she knows at Starbucks, but if any of you have any ideas on where I should work for my part-time job, please feel free to throw them my way. I’ve also applied at Costco and Home Depot. I would really like to work at home depot because a)I have home repairs I’d like to make and figure I’d learn something and b) it’s really close to home. Aside from soccer and visiting the Hicks and my sister, I could probably get away without using my car much at all. That would be awesome (for our wallet as well as for the environment, how convenient). So most everyone that has heard my plans for going to become a nurse have been very supportive. Those of you that know me best know that I am sometimes squeamish, but I am determined to overcome this in my schooling of course, so buck up and move on, right? Lyrics quote for the day: “These are the things that I miss, These are not times for the weak of heart, These are the days of raw despondence, And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this” xoxo

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

1 month and counting..

It’s time for another update into my very exciting life, I know you have all been waiting on the edge of your seats for this blog post, so I will try not to keep you in suspense much longer. Monday night, Kerry and I spent some time at my sister’s house, I was pretty stressed about financing for school but let me tell you, holding that baby for an hour plus pretty much erased all the stress in me. She was sleeping the entire time, not like she did much, but hey, she still took the stress away. Maybe mothers should pimp out their newborns as the new stress relievers! Just kidding. Last night, I was at work until six, but then had to leave to go pickup my new glasses. They are so damn cute, I am almost tempted to post a picture of myself in them, but don’t think I will, at least not on here. Check me out on facebook, maybe I will put them there. After that, I left Seattle to head towards home. Decided to stop at the supermall on my way home to pick up some spare tongue barbells (after the fiasco I had Sunday morning, sheesh). So I got, get this, a soccer ball barbell. It’s so cute, I love it. Yes, I am obsessed with soccer leave me alone. It’s my one THING if that makes sense. Everyone has a thing, right? I took a business writing class yesterday at work. I was dreading it, I mean really I don’t care about my business writing as I do not get to do much of it anyway and my boss wants to see and edit everything we send out before we send it. So really, my own style doesn’t get to come through anyway. Okay enough about that, back to the class. It was scheduled from 1-5, and I thought oh god, four hours of hell, but it turned out to be better than I expected, which is a good thing. I think I will be able to apply some of it to my classes for when I am back in school. Woohoo! Today I have been doing a lot of work since I got here at 830 (mostly because nobody is emailing me to distract me, so I have nothing else to do but work, good god). I have more training today, personal physical training that is, not work related training. Song lyrics for today:” Virginia is for lovers, And I wonder where do all the others go, And your heart belongs to another, And I'm leaving, Virginia is for lovers anyway” xoxo-LC

Monday, October 27, 2008

Just another manic monday..

Whew, I can’t believe the weekend is over already. It feels like I packed a lot into two short days, but maybe that’s because I did. Ha ha. So, Saturday I spent cleaning house, doing SOME laundry, and basically cleaning up the outside of the house to get it ready for the bbq on Saturday night. This outside cleaning included pulling the last stump, breaking up the branches that were in the backyard that needed to go in the yard waste, and of course pressure washing the garage, outside of the front of the house, driveway and the back porch. Oh my gosh the back porch looks like its almost new, that’s how clean it looked. Oh and I mowed and edged the lawn in the front, plus mowed in the back yard as well. Holy hell we have a family of moles living in our backyard or something. Obviously they really love our backyard area. And of course, I could do something about that, but all I can think about are all the moles my stepdad Socko killed using gasoline, fires and firecrackers…yeah don’t ask. Tiff knows what I’m talking about here. So Sunday, minor crisis. Went to tighten my barbell and the top ball broke off in my hand. I made Kerry ride with me as I drove to the tattoo parlor with my tongue sticking out like an idiot. She replaced the ball on the top, but we also tried a smaller barbell. The 1/2'’ was just a bit too small, and they were out of their extra jewelry, but I really liked having a smaller one in so I have got to go find one that is longer than 1/2” but smaller than ¾” which is what I have in right now. So on Sunday also had Niko’s birthday party at the Y and a soccer game in Federal Way at 7pm (which we totally kicked ass at). Oh yeah, at the bbq, I had patron again. And no, I didn’t end up an emotional mess for once, which is awesome. Oh and I didn’t really have a hangover either, which is even better. And yummy, I made bbq salmon and for my first try it tasted so great (even though it didn’t look the prettiest), but yum, I loved it. I think a good time was had by all, at least I hope it was. Oh and my right big toe is broken (or sprained), it looks hideous. It’s black and blue on top, due to some soccer injuries and then wrestling with Trina on Saturday night it got bent back and I think that aggravated it. But hey, crazy ass soccer players, we play through those injuries, no matter what. “THERE IS NO CRYING IN SOCCER” Yeah that phrase sounds familiar. And the thought to leave you with today is: “I wanna love like Johnny and June, Rings of fire burnin' with you, I wanna walk the line, Walk the line, 'Till the end of time, I wanna love, Love ya that much, Cash it all in, Give it all up, When you're gone, I wanna go too, Like Johnny and June” xoxo

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Filled?

Well I have reached the “sweet spot” as they call it in lapband world. I am at a good restriction point, right now I’ve mostly been able to get my protein shakes down and the occasional jamba juice smoothie (although these take quite a bit longer than just the protein shakes). Since Tuesday I have lost 3 more lbs. I realize that this may be mostly water weight, but who the hell cares, the scale moving down is the scale moving down, good lord people. Am having a barbecue on Saturday night. Originally was going to just have it kind of ghetto like with burgers and hot dogs, but then decided that would not be much fun… for ME!!! Hello, and we know that is who it is all about. So now I am going to bbq some salmon, which I am supposed to be able to eat, fingers crossed. Should be a good turnout too, so I am happy to have some friends over for some good times, good drinks (or shots for those of us with very little stomach openings) and good eats (I hope). Ha ha. My little monkey, Niko man, is turning 3 on Tuesday. Oh wait, so is our friend Terry, I mean its his birthday, not that he’s turning 3. Ha ha. Birthday party for Niko on Sunday at the Y, which should be fun, cause it was last year too. I can’t believe he is 3 already and Devan is 6, where the hell does time go. It seems like one minute you’re holding them on your chest, taking naps with them, then suddenly they are all into Jonas brothers, Hannah Montana, and WordWorld, what the heck?!?! Or it gets even worse, they want a cell phone, their own cell phone….for all those important phone calls they have to make. Oh wait, I do remember that from my own age, I wanted a pager like nobody’s business. My mom thought I wanted to be a drug dealer..yeah right mom. Turns out I just wanted to be like a doctor or something. Okay, just a nurse.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Posting, Posting...

Hi there, its me again. And yes before any of you ask, I am typing this at work in Word again, hence all the capitalized correctness. *sigh* stupid word, just let me type whatever I want to type, doesn’t word get it?!? Oh wait, life and the world dont get it, why would I expect a computer software program to understand? Fun weekend, well sort of. Spent about nine hours with peep at my sisters house on Saturday. They were in new parent meltdown mode, too little sleep, too much baby fussing. Go figure. Sunday, I got to sit around, read and watch a bit of tv before heading off to a candle part at my soccer girl, jessa’s house. That was fun, but then stopped back by to see peep for a bit before heading to my game in federal way. We played a tough team, and they had two subs (we of course had none), but we ended up winning 2-1, so I was pretty dang stoked. And my evening ended pretty well after that too…. Today at work has been fairly non-exciting. I have been working on a document retention project, which I am glad to have as it is busy work and keeps my mind busy, however its not terribly intellect stretching. Ha ha. Oh and I also went and ordered new glasses. They are sooo cute, I can’t wait to show them off to everyone. Plus they ended up being the lesser expensive of the two I was looking at, which means they didn’t end up costing me 3 billion dollars. Tomorrow is fill #5 for me. I should be getting close to restriction by now, so hopefully fingers crossed this one will work for me the way its supposed to. I am driving in to work tomorrow, leaving for my appointment, and then coming back to work until I leave to go get my haircut down in Tacoma. Whew, lots of driving!! Xoxo-LC

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Peep says Hi

okay well she doesnt really say hi, because hello, shes only four days old. i mean hello people, she is most likely brilliant of course, but that is just impossible. she slept in my arms for three hours, i think it might be love. so soccer was good last night. we tied our game, but hell, they had to loan us players because we didnt have very many and then one of our guys took a ball hard right to his eyeball and he ended up leaving the game and going to the ER. That is the second guy in two weeks (week prior was john with his stitches to his eyebrows poor dude). And john was back playing this next week, what a crazy psycho. oh, and this is not the john that you all know in my life, just fyi. got home around 11 last night, played some batman on the wii and went to bed around 2am this morning. played that again this morning when i got up and then headed up to my sisters house to hang up with peep. :) she is too dang cute. xoxo-LC

Friday, October 17, 2008

missed one

Alas dear readers, I did not mean to keep you in suspense of another exciting edition of my blog. However, soccer games being what they are, and then of course after soccer party celebrations being what they are, conspired last night to prevent me from returning home until almost midnight. I went out after soccer with Jess, Sarah & Celina (Kim, of the birthday cupcake fame having already been scheduled previously to a dinner with her husband and father, whatever) to Canyons restaurant in Redmond. For the love of god, we had the worst bartender/waiter dude that I have ever had in my life. At first we just thought he sucked, but no, after much reflection (as it took him almost an hour and four repeated attempts of asking for it to get the bill) we came to the conclusion that he was definitely “ON SOMETHING” as they say. Needless to say, it felt like an episode of the twilight zone and we seriously thought we might not be able to leave the place. But, leave we did, and I managed to make it home, only to have a slight breakdown on the way home (yeah, pms & music conspiring against me) and i ended up in a crying jag that would not stop for at least twenty minutes after I returned home. *sigh* will it ever end. So I found out yesterday that now the doctor does not believe I have a leak. They believe that what fluid I have been losing is due the processing of doing the fills, so I go back in on Tuesday for another fill. Hopefully this will provide me with better restriction, which means more weight loss, which means a leaner meaner fighting machiner….ME!! Ha ha. Seriously though, I just want to be faster when I run when I am playing soccer, that is all what its about. Some of you will probably notice that my spelling/grammar/correct use of cases is more accurate in this post. That is because I am typing it in Word and transferring over to blogger when I am completed, and word being what it is it automatically corrects how I would like to be typing. How annoying. Okay so time for the emotional deep thinking portion of my blog, I know you have all desperately been waiting for it, and who am I to disappoint (of course assuming any of you actually think I can be emotionally deep, I prefer to think of myself as emotionally shallow…or just shallow in general). Anyway, I try to think of myself as a good person, sometimes I succeed at actually being one. Sometimes I do not. But when I am in the throws of one of those trips down into the deep dark well, I often wonder why me, why is it me that has to feel this way, why is it me that has to experience the things I am experiencing, and what is the point to it all?!? Now, normally we sometimes question, existentially, our existence. This is not what I mean. I mean the sense of what I have done wrong, karmically, in my past or present, which has now caught up with me and has a firm hold on one foot to keep me grounded at the entrance to that dark well. And when someone hurts me, being the not nice person I am, I secretly wish that they would hurt too. That makes me bad right? If you believe wholeheartedly in something, accept it as the truth of what is and what will be, how do you hold on long enough until that truth comes into existence? How do you make people around you see and feel the truth of that also? Okay enough for now.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Six Minutes

ive only got six minutes six minutes....to save the world...just kidding. six minutes until the timer goes off for the cupcakes i am baking. tomorrow is kims birthday, she is a friend of mine and one of my soccer buddies. i am making cupcakes with green frosting (like grass get it) and then putting chocolate sprinkles on them (like turf nubs get it) and then soccer ball candies go right on the top (like soccer...ok you got it). i know, completely a nerd, but hey shes been a great friend to me and this is her first birthday without her mom around, so i am trying to make it a good one. will give them to her to celebrate right before or during half time or after our game (can you tell i am undecided). so today i didnt get to work until almost 920 am. oops my bad. so not a huge deal of course since i have the worlds longest case of short timers disease ever. but then i ended up getting in trouble with my boss, not for having been out so much, but because i didnt prioritze my work the way she wanted me to. oh well, i am sorry, but i didnt really have an excuse to give her, which i think irritated her more. go figure. and although i was slightly annoyed/upset about it, i also didnt really care. what an interesting mix of emotions. went to see frances again today at the hospital, she is still cute and so far my nickname has stuck. peep, thats what i am calling her. she is such a quiet mellow baby that that is pretty much the only noise she makes, peep peep. although she did get hiccups today and made quite a bit more noise, but hey, she is still peep to me. oh hey, less than a minute left on the cupcakes and i am not done typing....hold please. okay cupcakes on the rack now cooling off. next step will be making a mess...i mean making green frosting! so lets see, i am waiting to hear back from the financial aid office, we all know how quickly they work. and i am also looking into private loans. not necessarily the way i want to go, but will do what i need to do to make it through school with good grades and what not. so on another note, things that i hate. people who cannot freaking drive, for the love of god, if its not your strongpoint (and you know if it is or not) then get the hell off the road please! secondly, people who use words incorrectly. if you do not know what it means, do not try to sound impressive by using it, i will just think you are more stupid than you probably are and it drives me crazy. lastly, people who say one thing and do another completely, now granted i do this sometimes, we all do. however its people who do it on major things that effect peoples emotions that bother me, well mostly my emotions, but you know what i mean. why do something that you knows hurt people, why not do the right thing? xoxo_LC

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Baby's Here!

baby Frances Mae has finally arrived. none of us got much sleep but she did arrive at 10:07 this morning. she is gorgeous, and luckily enough its true, i didnt even have to lie just to make her mom feel better. ha ha. she was 8lbs 1 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. she was definitely not a first time crier and screamer that is for sure. i think her nickname right now from me is peep, thats what she sounds like when she cries, a peep. i am not sure why i decided to blog tonight. i am most likely more sensitive than normal and definitely more emotional, so maybe blogging isnt the best idea, but hey, has that ever stopped me before? a couple of different things that i was thinking about in my sleep deprived last couple of days. one) when a pregnant woman delivers a baby does she still feel the child within her womb? is it like what they say about amputee patients, that they feel the missing limb long after it has been removed. or along those lines, what if it is an emotional amputation? remember those first loves of your life, that when the relationships eventually ends (as it always does), but you swear that you can still feel their touch, can still feel the hint of their scent on the breeze, does your heart jump because you think that it is them? is it like that when you suffer the death of a lover, that you think that they are still there, can still feel them. two) do you celebrate the anniversary of "things" ever? not the average normal things that people celebrate like anniversaries or births or deaths, but say the anniversary of starting a diety, the day you got a surgery, or perhaps the first time you did something random? sunday was one of those days for me, an anniversary of an event. and it came at a time when the memory of the event is still both wonderful and bittersweet. that sucks. three) should i grow my hair back out or should I keep it short? i like thinking of myself as a nurse with my hair pulled back and then releasing it at the end of the day, setting it free in a sexy hair commercial kind of day. at the same time, i do it every day when it is short. hmm, such a quandry. four) with the arrival of frances, i had people asking me what it felt like to finally be an aunt. (now my pardons to those of you that did ask this, it is not directed at anyone specifically) begging everyones indulgence, but I AM ALREADY AN AUNT. then people would say yeah, but a blood aunt. I AM A BLOOD AUNT. I would give my blood to Trina, Devan or Niko in a hearbeat and i think that makes me their aunt, blood relative or not. on top of that, it just irritated me that people would think less of that relationship than it is. but i cant fault people for just not understanding the depths of my feelings when it comes to that. some people do know that, i know that much (like tiff). well thats likely enough for now, more tomorrow. xoxo-Lacey Canyon

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Life, uncovered..

well i had my xray on friday morning. found out that i apparently do not have a large leak, but a slow leak. this means its likely that the fluid is leaking out slowly over time. i have an appointment with the doctor (surgeon that is) on thursday to find out what this means as far as getting it fixed. i am not sure what the fix is for a slow leak but i will definitely keep you posted. as i tried to explain this to tiffany and will, will of course had to make the reference to the fact that the lapband creates a type of sphincter within your body and then of course the joke was that i have a leaky sphincter. yummy thought right? ha ha. tiffany's birthday was on the 8th. i decided as part of her birthday celebration week that she should come work out with my trainer with me on saturday. good god, i think he was trying to show her how much he can punish me within one hour. it was hellish, or at least today it feels like someone pounded my body with a meat pulverizer. i already texted tiffany to see how she was doing and yeah...about the same as me. she has to work today and i dont so that is one benefit, although how the hell i am going to force my legs to run at soccer should be interesting to see. i watched my recorded episodes of the biggest loser today. so many of those episodes (and especially conversations between jillian and her people) focus on the fact that many of the people have never taken the time to put themselves first, to care for themselves. i wonder how many of us are just like that, caregivers, ones that are willing to put themselves last for the ones they love? how often have i spent in the last few months trying to determine what i want, what i need, and what will make me most happy. perhaps like so many other things this is harder to do than it seems. what if,the thing that makes us happiest in the world, is caring for those we love. what if caring for the ones you love is taken away from you, then what happens? then perhaps you are forced to focus on taking care of yourself, the best way you can quickly learn how. when i was younger i used to moan and whine about how unfair life is. and it is of course, but it is unfair to pretty much everyone. even people that seem like they have it all, they have problems too. someone who looks like they are in the happiest relationship of their life, you can learn that deep down they harbor secrets they would never tell their partner, fantasies they would never share, and feelings they would try to conceal at all costs. so i think, no matter how unfair life is, we all do our best to bump along and not hurt as many people as we can. love where we can, when we can, to the best of our ability. xoxo-LC PS_LC is soon to be an aunt. I will keep you all posted on the blessed event happening soon!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Clear Balls-2!!

now now get your mind out of the gutter. i went to have the bottom ball on my tongue ring changed out from a silver ball to a clear one, so now there are two clear balls. i was going to have the barbell sized down but the girl who was working the piercing counter today said there is still a bit of swelling to my tongue (not noticeable by sight just by touch) and that she would recommend sizing it down in another two weeks or so just to be safe. no worries from this end, i like having the two clear balls though, you know me, anal retentive, like stuff to match. go figure. so i had a one on one meeting with my boss today. its amazing how calm and relaxed i can be while talking about goals when i know that in less than 3 months i will be gone from there. oh yeah, for those i have not told, im going back to school in january. i am applying for nursing school so in january i start taking the prerequisite courses to be on track for that. i have already got one person who will write me a letter of recommendation, is anyone up for writing me a second one? if you are, you let me know, i need all the help i can get. so ever have one of those days when things just seem okay but really are not? i do not know, its hard to explain, but today was an okay day, i got a lot of work done, had dinner, watched tv and am soon heading to bed. but there is still something that was off or missing. who knows, probably the crazies in my head trying to escape. stay away, stay far far away... xoxo

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Crazy Beautiful

so, let's see. didn't get home until 6:30am this morning. now naturally you would think i was out partying, right, those of you who know me know that i am such a big partyer! but of course not, i was helping do inventory at kerry's store and that is what time i got home. ugh. so i did not go to my soccer game, as playing after only about 4 hours of sleep just did not seem appealing to me. so after waking up around 1pm this afternoon i have so far managed to accomplish the following: watch law and order, watch lipstick jungle, watch crouching tiger hidden dragon, balance the checkbook (or not balance it as the case may be) and am now at 5:30pm thinking of going to take a shower. yes i know you are all overwhelmed by my motivation, i know that i am. i am thinking of going to the grocery store soon too, perhaps even making dinner. i think that will cap off my activities for the day. oh, unless i decide to bake cookies, which i am thinking about doing also. thinking....thats a problem for me isnt it. you see, things can seem to be going along just fine but then my mind it just starts to wander and wonder. i think that maybe thats what gets me into half (or more) of the problems i get myself into. does anyone besides me ever wonder if there is another life out there for them, perhaps something else they were meant to be doing? maybe its just me, it likely is, sometimes i feel like i am outside of my own body, i see the things happening around me and yet i feel helpless to stop them. like watching a movie where you cannot control the ending, it just has to happen the way it is supposed to. but what if you know what the ending is but you do not know how to get there, to arrive at that ending in one piece, scarred perhaps, but alive. i dont know people, i am just thinking, too much as usual. "You can be anywhere when your life begins. When the future opens up in front of you. And you may not even realize it at first, but it's already happening." LC

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

9021OOOOOOOOOOOOooohhhhhhhhh

okay so no, i havent really been watching this show. but when i got home tonight and sat here with kerry it happened to be on while we were doing some stuff online and boy i have to say, shannen doherty is looking a bit puffy around the face. okay granted, we all change in looks as we get older, but shes an actress so that means its my god given right to comment on her appearance, right? oh wait a second, this one also seems a lot racier than i remember the original being...but enough about that. today was day two back at work and i have to admit it was not the toughest day i have ever had. first of all we had a team quarterly evening this evening (it was supposed to be paddle boats at greenlake but those are locked up now and then it was supposed to be mini golf but the team bailed on that one too), so we ended up having dinner at red mill burger on phinney ridge. i had never been there before but the food was decent. omg my peanut butter and chocolate milkshake was to die for. oh wait, i didnt eat that,shhhh don't tell anyone. ha ha. so after that it was only five o'clock and whats a girl to do in seattle in rush hour traffic when she is not quite ready to drive home. well hell if i know but when i figure it out i will get back to you. i ended up at my bosses place meeting her new kitten. oh the exciting times in my life, i know you are all totally jealous! so tomorrow, another early day ahead of me. its only 9 o'clock but i will be hitting the sack soon, in the hopes of getting more than a few hours of sleep. although my nighttime pill helps with the sleeping, it is unfortunately not the cure all when there are stresses weighing on my mind. xoxo

Monday, September 29, 2008

Alive

well feel free to not ask me how i am doing as i will likely just tell you that i am alive. i got an email from a girl who had surgery the same day that i did and it turns out they think she has a leaking problem too. so then she sent out a post online and found a whole bunch of people in the area that have the same problem, some have filed lawsuits, some of them are with the doctor i used, etc etc etc. yeah, that just added to the stress of my day, and she was a self pay patient. i have no idea what it means for me since i was on insurance. my first day back to work went okay. i guess you could say i still dont really want to be working, but hey, who does, right? this was of course made slightly more difficult by the fact that my head still hurts from cracking it against someone elses skull on friday during soccer. so i have a headache still from that. i also have a leaky band, and a bruised heart. anyone want to buy me for a dollar? what it is about hope that is so hard to let go of sometimes. wanting to believe the best in someone and wanting to hope for the best, it is so hard to let go of sometimes, and othertimes we simply cannot let go. that hope just...well hope floats. i heard that in a movie onetime i think... xoxo-LC

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Leaking and Hurting

okay lest any of you get grossed out and not read further the reference to leaking is not related to say womanly problems. let me explain, i went in for a fill on monday (last week). while i was there, the doctor discovered that i didnt have as much fluid in my band as i am supposed to. he then proceeded to tell me that i have a leak and that i will have to have a contrast x-ray and then he will be able to fix it. so i clarified of course and by fixing it, he means that i will have to have more surgery. arent you all excited for me?!?! more surgery, more pain killers (which possibly means more effects on my antidepressant situation) and of course more time off from work. woohoo. so i have come to terms with this mostly but it still does suck and of course causes a lot of qusetions. will i have to re-do every single fill i have already had, will it be a full surgery again or just some kind of partial fix, what caused the leak, if it wasn't my fault do i still have to pay for the whole thing...so many questions. tomorrow is my first day back to work, i am also feeling pretty anxious over this event of course. it is always awkward to go back to work, even when i have only been out for a sick day. but another month and a half off and going back to work makes me feel like i am some kind of freak. of course no one at work really knows the full reason for why i have been out of work, but it still feels pretty awkward. please everyone keep positive thoughts for me tomorrow as it will be hard. added to this stress and the one mentioned above, i have also managed to get someone pretty angry at me over the weekend. now granted, this person did something that they should not have, and as a result is now paying their own consequences. however, those of you who know me best, know that having someone upset at me (whether justified or not) pretty much adds to my general anxiety and the knot that lies within my stomach. so, yes, stress is just coming at me in abundance right now. i am doing my best to manage and mend where i can. but sometimes you just have to wonder....what is the big guy thinking sometimes?!? xoxo-Lacey Canyon

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Fun & Exciting Times

last night at the hicks house was hilarious folks. i know some of this wont make sense to other people but i have to share. first off, tiffany and i decided to go to tacoma boys to get stuff for dinner. at tacoma boys i happened to get flirted with in the meat department, cant tell you all of the details cause that would take forever, but needless to say it was a nice ego boost. i even got a wink from the guy....and we all know how i feel about winkers. :) so we were at tacoma boys for way to long and i bought way too much beef jerky. go figure. so we get home and will asks if we remembered some diet soda. we of course had forgot (in our defense i do not think that they had diet soda there, we looked in the refrigerated section for quite awhile), so of course after having told will the whole story about the flirty meat guy tiffany busts out with, "well maybe if the diet soda had been in the meat section we would have remembered it" and for some reason i thought this was the funniest thing ever. now keep in mind i had already been laughing pretty hard with tiff and devan on the way home from tacoma boys anyway. so tiffany was cooking up some mushrooms in butter and garlic (yummy) and devan decided that she had to be "chef" with us. so she stirred in the pan for, oh say, 45 seconds and then up and says, "well chef needs a break" and off she goes. it was so random but hilarious tiffany and i started busting up then and there. oh good lord just not enough to even describe it now you soo had to be there. oh yeah, and big guy will, he ate FOUR ears of corn. that was hilarious also. oh and tiffany and i discovered we eat corn differently (only took 19 years to figure that out). and that progressed into a discussion of removing tattoos, getting new tattoos of corn (dont ask), and then picture stories of our whole evening. yeah ok i realize this is all more than anyone will get but the parties involved. today ended up being a rough day. i had a counseling appointment this morning, and although it went well (as they can go anyway) it of course is emotionally draining and a lot to deal with. i ended up getting pretty sad in the afternoon. talked to a few people, didnt feel enough better, so went outside to do yard work. i am now very sore with very sore fingers as i tore and hacked at stuff in the front yard. one more whole bush removed. the stump from the big tree bush still remains though. oh and i chopped down the stuff that was in between two of the hedges in the front. the yard waste bin is full again though and still so much more to do. maybe i will have to make a yard waste run to the dump or something. tomorrow is soccer, yeah. then friday we have a storm game, another yeah. xoxo-Lacey Canyon

Monday, September 08, 2008

wow!

i thought for sure someone would have something to say about my last post, but hey, no worries. i am glad to not have to face anyones wrath! ha ha. so lets see, yesterday, two soccer games were played and the storm season ticket holder event was attended. a fun time was had by all. for the first time, we got up in line really early and did not have to wait around as long to get all the signatures that kerry needed for her posters. woohoo. so at my first game, i scored a goal, so exciting, but what makes it even better is that it was off of my left foot. hello, not my dominant foot, the other one, you know the annoying one with the plantar fasciitis. way to go me! at my second game my trainer came out to watch, so that was exciting. i actually had two fans on the sidelines and even better, this is my competitive womens team so he got to witness a good game. but we won, which makes that even more sweet. have to say that there are still a few special people not at my games these days, but hey, maybe they will come see one again someday. oh my gosh, my trainer has got a sweet ride. mercedes, convertible, pretty freaking fancy. kind of cracks me up because he is so tall though and the car looks like it would be way too short for him, but its not. actually fits him and his personality once i saw him in it, totally hilarious. now its monday. have not accomplished much yet for the day, but hoping to do so eventually. ha ha. xoxo-LC

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Suck

that is what i just told kerry. i suck. kerry wants to play a lego wii game, but i left indiana jones lego at nate's house. my bad. three tequila shots and three beers (working on my fourth here at home) probably not a good combination for me. go figure. but hey i am going to do it anyway. hoping to sweat it off at my soccer game in the morning. that should be a good time i am sure. storm won tonight. yeah. kerry and i sat courtside which was pretty cool. kerry couldnt see sometimes when people stood up because she is so freaking short. but hey, i could see. and the four people next to us left at half time so we had lots of space next to us. turns out that there is a lot of leg room in those courtside seats. i texted a lot during the game as i was pretty drunk and entertaining myself..texting Michelle, chellie, crystal, erin. nobody was safe from my texting. but amazingly enough very few people responded. hmm i wonder that was. oh well, no matter for me, right? home now, took my nighttime pill, having another beer, maybe playing some wii and then going to bed. good times! xoxo Lacey Canyon

Quick

have you ever noticed how quickly things can change, anything in the world? how in one instant you can go from feeling like you are on top of the world to suddenly feeling like you are at the very bottom and that nothing you do or say matters? i am not sure that is exactly how i feel, but it is an exaggeration that i can write to make people understand how i feel sometimes, to give you an example or a glimpse perhaps at what it is i go through. i have had at least one person try to ask if i am bi-polar. i do not think this to be the case, as i do not have the manic highs associated with bipolar disorder. but hey, what do i know anymore these days, right?!? so tired sometimes, tired of trying to be everything to everybody, when i do not even know what to be to myself. what do i want, how do i get it, what if what i want is wrong or turns out to be not the best thing, then what? start over. i feel so old for that. going out recently it feels like i am in a whole new world that i cant even find a place in. when it used to seem like i was so sure of everything, so sure of myself, knew exactly who i was and where i was at. now...well who knows? if you find out for me can you let me know. i am not sure how much i will be posting in the coming days and weeks, so please dear readers try not to be too disappointed or worried. those of you that care know how to find me. xoxo Lacey Canyon

It's Saturday!

yes i know, not the most original title for my post, but hey i am sick so cut me just a little bit of slack. i have a sinus infection. no, i have not gone to the doctors, but trust me, i have had them frequently enough to know when i have one. and its still kind of like summer, that is really lame. being sick and it being summer. oh yeah, and its saturday and there is a storm game tonight and i have two soccer games tomorrow....nevermind. so went to the fair with tiffany and niko yesterday. poor niko, we wiped him out. by the time we got into the car he was passed out asleep within just a few minutes. it was soo crowded. it was free yesterday if you were in before noon, and we apparently underestimated how many people would be in full force for the freebies. go figure. and like everyone else, people were lined up at the food places..like scones, krusty pups, earthquake burgers. mmm, fair food. so now i am going to read, relax, and probably sleep a bit more before the excitement of the evening. i am sad to have been missing johns dads honorary guard service, but i just could not get myself out of bed this morning. i still want more sleep. being sick sucks! xoxo-Lacey

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Everybody clap your hands...

okay so it was what was on the tv at the moment that i decided to start this blog. at home watching the recorded storm vs. sky game. i already know the outcome, but hey, still have to see how the team does in actual play. spent the evening with the eikenberry family. that was a lot of fun. nate bbq'd salmon and we had salad and it was pretty tasty. we also shared a few c minuses after gaius went to bed, but if you dont know what c minus is, im not going to tell you. it's a henny thing, you wouldnt understand. ha ha. going to the fair tomorrow. tiffany and i are going to take niko down there as its free before noon. what better way to entertain the three year old than to let his aunt load him up with sugary treats and then have his mom take him home and try to get him to sleep. little monkey told me my hair was brown today, after i asked him, when i specifically dyed all of it bright light blonde last night. go figure. two more minutes until midnight. happy friday everyone. LC

Stuck

have you ever felt stuck? in a holding pattern, wondering what to do. do you go forward, hoping for the best, best foot forward, and all of those other things they tell you. do you go backwards, hoping to correct the wrongs that have been done, hoping to say or do the right things this time around. or do you stay where you are, stuck to the core, because you are too scared or too worried to do anything, but stand there waiting for the storm to wash over you. how much of a life do we spend in fear i wonder. i know i am not the only one. i was reading the cover of a book at the bookstore yesterday about couples, ones that stay together because it is comfortable and secure. it discussed how couples should chose passion, that too often people stay together when they have lost the passion because they are scared of trying again, of doing something different, of giving up that security. i think thats because they are scared right? i mean who hasnt stayed in a BAD relationship because they are scared, thats why people that are victims of domestic violence get stuck, fear. so how do we move past the fear? dont expect much of what i am typing to make sense, these are just random things i am thinking about. they do not necessarily apply to me, or imply that anything is wrong with me (well other than the obvious of course). ha ha. i keep thinking about different songs and quotes as well, but i am not sure blogging with just a whole bunch of quotes or lyrics would make much sense to most of you. one or two of you, yes probably. storm game on saturday. i cant believe there are only two regular games left of the season. they are away tonight, playing chicago. lets hope we can win so that we can cinch a playoff spot. oh, and at saturdays game~we are sitting courtside. that is exciting, right?!? two soccer games and a season ticket holder party on sunday. busy weekend. Lacey Canyon-xoxo

Urge

i think the urge to blog is getting dimmer and dimmer with less and less comments i have been getting. it must be totally true, i want to be the center of attention. i want to know that people are reading what i am writing, that i do not have to feel so alone in my writing, in my thoughts, in my feelings. but i guess that is the point right? in the long run we are all alone, even if we are not. i worked out this morning with tiffany. her y is undergoing a remodel of some kind so she and Niko journeyed this way to work out with me at my y. it was a good workout. i am glad that i went. afterwards we came back to my house to grab some nice cold water and then decided to take niko over to the park so he could run around. he did a goood job at the nursery at the y and i think he deserved that running around at the park. ha ha. so now i am home and watching desperate housewives. too much thinking is happening yet again. i cant stop thinking about a couple of different things. oh well, who cares, right? its not a big deal. just another turn on the crazy train, right? LC

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Anxiety

it is already the third of september. doesnt that seem like it came much too quickly to anyone else but me? my nieces went back to school today. i know that the younger one had a great day and is looking forward to going back tomorrow. hopefully will hear how the eldest one did, but i am sure she did just fine. she is a good girl like that. got my hair cut today at the tacoma mall. my regular girl drew is out after having surgery so a girl named faith did my hair. i like it, and she did a good job with the cut. then went and bought my sister her stroller and xtra base for the baby. and some clothes. good lord my newest niece should be well outfitted by the time she comes along. but my sister and her boyfriend are very thankful and were happy to receive the gifts. went out to dinner at a chinese place and then went for ice cream. yummy. feeling a little anxiety over this weekend. not exactly sure why, but worried how things will go, how i will feel, how everyone else will feel. worried i will be hurt. kerry said that is likely to happen either way as you all know me, too sensitive by far. but is that so bad? i have missed, greatly, what if the feeling is not reciprocated. what if all i have known has completely changed, then what? oh, so much more i could write about this subject, and i am sure i will, privately. enough for this blog...sigh. blogging while high again you could say. i just took my seroquel and i think its finally starting to kick in. it sort of gives me the feeling of drinking without actually drinking. isnt that handy. xoxo

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

29th..

so after my appointments today i found out that i am expected to be out of work until september 29th. thats slightly more than a month since i first left work. i am not quite sure how to feel about that. a part of me is of course happy that i get to not work for the next four weeks, i mean hell, who would not be?!? but on the other hand, i am worried about how to fill my time, how to stay busy, how to make sure i am becoming the healthiest me that i can be. on top of that, what will happen when i do return to work, that will feel awkward also. so i also got a second medication today. seraquil its called. i told the doctor about the problems with sleeping. this apparently is supposed to help, help quiet the racing thoughts in my brain as well as to help relax me at night, help me sleep on a more regular cycle like i would like. she also thinks that this problem with sleeping is what is causing my headaches at night. go figure. the term the doctor and counselor used as to why i need to be out of work is so that i stabilize on my medication. when the medications doctor read to me all the symptoms i described when i first came in to see her, i almost started crying. it hurt to hear those things, and remember that i was feeling them all~suicidal thoughts, isolation, lack of motivation, lack of confidence, fear. all of those things i was feeling, just a short time ago. and i can remember them so quickly, thats what bothers me, makes me concerned that as anyone knows...you can slip down into that hole again at any time. watched three movies already today. the bucket list, which was pretty funny and had a good message. then watched jumper, which was okay for the most part, but the ending pretty much sucked. then we watched affinity. this is a movie that i chose as it was based on a novel that i have read by sarah waters. for those not in the know, sarah waters writes lesbian fiction, usually in the victorian era. i of course had read this novel, but forgot the storyline, until the ending,which is not necessarily a happy one. excellent choice, crazy girl, pick the lesbian love story that ends up to be a story where the girl kills herself at the end because she gets screwed by the girl she falls in love with and the girl who she falls in love with runs away with her other lover. GREAT choice. although it does yield a pretty good quote: "We will all fly to someone, we will all return to that piece of shining matter from which our souls were torn with another, two halves of the same...now has that other soul, that has the affinity with her soul." a bewitching idea is it not. easy to see why the poor girl in this story (who is recovering from a suicide attempt) is so drawn in by the person that tells her this. anyway, it was a bit too deep and related for the evening. um, no comments, and no answers to my survey question. is anyone out there...hello, bueller, bueller?!? xoxo-Lacey Canyon

Thought

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. something along the lines that if a person isnt around in your life that your exaggerate their benefits and positives so that in your heart you miss them, even more if they had been in your life that whole time. do i believe that? i am not sure. the flipside to that is what hannibal lecter says, "how do we begin to covet, we covet that which we see everyday" (yes i know you will all think i'm totally freaky crazy for quoting a horror movie, but anthony hopkins is amazing anyway). so which is it do you suppose? do we love those we are around all the time, or do we love those whom we miss most, those whom we do not have any contact with. perhaps it is all just overrated. i wonder if love exists in any ideal sense outside of the stories that we read or the things we see on the tv. perhaps we can never realize what it truly is because we dont understand it. i know ive posted about this before, but how do we understand love, how do we grasp it in our hands and hold it close to us and understand it. or perhaps that is just it, perhaps love is a lot like religion in some aspects, its a matter of faith. love is a feeling that has to be taken on faith that it is what the person says it is when they say it to you. i miss writing, i miss typing as much as i have used to do it. perhaps when i return to work?!?! ha ha. xoxo

I'm Late, I'm Late..

okay i am not really late. i have two appointments today so i am just reminding myself that i cant be late or miss these appointments today. *sigh* oh well. at least i know i will be busy.

so i managed to get the "bush" cut down yesterday. turns out its a freaking tree people. so the stump is what remains. i started digging the stump out only that it turns out it is much bigger than i expected, so i might have to get some help on that one. oh and heres a funny part to add. i started using the fixed chainsaw that manly ray fixed for me. it seemed weird that it wasnt really cutting anything it just seemed to be burning the wood with friction. so i called ray and asked if it was possible that the chain was on backwards he said yeah sorry. no worries i had him show me how he did it so i fixed it myself (well after 2 tries anyway) and got that baby working all on my own. yup thats me, i am a serious lezzie that can fix power tools. woohoo.

so after i realized that i couldnt get the stump out and the yard waste bin was mostly full i decided i might as well do a few other things. i mowed the lawn and watered it afterwards. then i decided to vaccuum out my car and clean the car mats. then that wasnt enough, i decided that i wanted to clean out the garage. so yeah, it was a day for cleaning and such apparently. i think that cleaning is one of those things that helps settle my mind, keeps me on track. although on another note, yesterday was the first day i started to feel better mostly (i might have mentioned that already, but here you are getting it again). not perfect, not 100% yet, but better.

so i think i am going back to work on the 8th or the 15th. will see what the appointments decide today and hopefully my FMLA will cover. i think i would like to have the extra week, but hell, who would not want to have that!

HEY PEOPLE-what happened to my comments. i was getting them pretty consistently there for awhile, but now...nothing except one from Tiff in the last few days. what gives?!?

three more days.

Lacey Canyon is out!

Monday, September 01, 2008

You will be assimilated..

okay so i am watching a star trek the next generation marathon, so sue me. okay or dont sue me, but it is okay you can brand me as a nerd, i have already accepted that. i probably should get up soon and go take care of the 1/2 bush in my front yard, so as long as it doesnt rain i will most likely do that soon. but hey if i become a landscaper i should get use to doing this stuff in the rain anyway, right? i was talking last night about possibly needing a job with more activity in it. when i am busy physically, my brain does not have time to seep in and remind me i am depressed, or to make me think of all the things that i should not that make me depressed. i have been testing myself lately. looking at things/dealing with things that would normally bum me out and seeing how i do. for the most part, i think i do okay with them. some of the things though, yeah they still get to me and still get me down. have to avoid that stuff i guess for a little while longer. keep telling myself that it has only been two weeks. but i am an impatient girl and i like things to happen RIGHT NOW. sigh, if only the world was that easy, right? well everyone, my guess would be that you should expect a lot of posts today. i am feeling overly wordy. is that a good thing or a bad thing, i dont know. once upon a time i used to write some stories, get all my wordiness out that way. havent been doing that lately. wonder if i will be doing so again anytime soon.. xoxo